Part Mummy Part Me

Birth Matters

2011-09-27T21:40:00.001+01:00

I just read a blog post about why birth matters and some of the stories in the comments below.

I had a difficult first birth in hospital and a much more satisfying second birth experience at home with my good friend acting as a doula. The labour was really long and often arduous but I felt safe, nurtured and supported throughout by my husband, my friend and the midwife.

The two different birth experiences have turned me on to becoming a doula and a childbirth educator because I feel – like the author of that blog post – that birth matters and mothers matter.

Since the home birth of Lissy, I have started to blossom into a bit of a birth warrior. I want to change the way birth is viewed and managed in our culture. I want to let people know that it can be a positive experience. That home birth isn't weird or dangerous. That hypnobirthing and other birth techniques can be really effective. That the environment and even the well-meaning staff within a hospital need to be managed by the birthing woman's supporters so she can have the best, safest birth possible.

I have started to discover a whole community of like-minded souls and birthing experts at One World Birth

I enjoy my day job (freelance marketing consultant for a technology company) but have always felt the urge to make a difference, to do something special and important that makes the world a better place. It doesn't have to be on a grand scale. I just want to know that I'm adding to the sum total of happiness in the world.

The standard approach to birth in the UK is over medicalised and often at loggerheads with the emotional, psychological - and even spiritual - needs of the birthing woman. Routine interventions in labour can adversely affect otherwise normal births. See this short video clip by a Professor of Midwifery to find out how. 30% of births in my local hospital end in C-section. The World Health Organization recommends that the caesarean section rate should not be higher than 10% to 15%

Many pregnant women dread the birth process and aren't given the knowledge and the practical support they need to realise their bodies are designed to birth. After doing an NCT course with my first pregnancy (a total waste of time, I'd recommend a Natal Hypnotherapy course or similar instead). I came away with a lot of information on what drugs I could take in labour and exactly what could go wrong but no real tools I could use to have a safe, natural birth and to help manage pain without medical aid. I didn't realise that with the right conditions birth can be an empowering, calm, satisfying experience.

Yes it hurts, but pain without fear is easier to deal with. Simple things helped me immesaurably - like my birth partners pressing hard on my sacrum during a contraction, blowing out steady, long breaths and focusing on them, receiving light touch massage to calm me and boost my endorphins, and being encouraged throughout that I was doing well, that I could do it.

Also the Natal Hypnotherapy CD I listened to before bed from 32 weeks pregnant really helped to counteract my negative cultural conditioning around birth and allow me trust the process and let my body get on with it.

I think I would be honoured to give that support, emotional and physical, to a labouring woman. To help create the conditions that every birthing mammal needs to be able to birth without fear and difficulty: warmth, dark (or low light), privacy, safety. And for us humans, love and encouragement.

It's a big step for me. Even though I'm not planning to change careers, just include another one, having been a technology marketeer for most of my adult life it feels weird and scary to be contamplating something so different.

Is birth really the right area for me? Will I be good at guiding people through their birth journeys? Can I cope with the strange hours and complicated childcare needs that must arise when your committed to be a doula for someone whose birth could happen at any time three weeks either side of her "due date"?

Well, I'm going to start finding out. I've booked myself on the Introduction to the Work of a Doula Day in November.

A while back I sent off for a distance learning hypnobirthing course, thinking it would be easier to do around a small baby (who is now a small toddler!). I have enjoyed the reading but am disappointed with quite a few aspects of the course and keener than ever to be a childbirth educator but to do it my way.

I want to amalgamate the best techniques from all the different styles of hypnobirthing, and incorporate other tips and techniques from things like the Active Birth movement and the advice of respected childbirth experts such as Michel Odent and Ina May Gaskin.

I recently had the chance to make a difference to a friend, Jewels. She asked me to come over and teach her and her best friend and birth support partner some hypnobirthing basics. I went over for a few hours and over tea and cake talked about how to be a good birth partner and went through a few techniques for both mother and birthing partner.

She's had her baby and texted me to say she just kept thinking of the things we talked about and it really helped. Her friend texted me to say that Jewels had made birth look easy.

I can't wait to see her and find out more. I feel honoured to have been a small part of her beautiful birth, and only wish I could have been there physically for her too. She did invite me, but I was in France :-(

I am in the lucky position of having a good job that is part-time and so I can explore this avenue without having to leave the security of my job. I'm not sure how it will all pan out but I'm excited to be following a newly-discovered interest.

Les Bonnes Vacances

2011-09-23T10:46:00.000+01:00

We've just got back from our first ever holiday park break, We LOVED it. It is so the way forward for families with young kids.

For £235 we enjoyed nine nights in a comfortable mobile home with:

+three swimming pools

+baby and bigger kids clubs

+nightly entertainment - OK it was pretty naff but Els loved it and I did find myself singing along and even doing some weird French 'Do the Macarena'-style dance on the last night.

Actually it wasn't £235 it was actually free. I'd been squirrelling away my Tesco Clubcard vouchers for ages (well over a year I think). I had £110 worth of vouchers and exchanged them before Christmas to get four times the value in my choice of experiences and goodies from the Rewards website. As of this year, you can now only get three times the value but that's not to be sniffed at.

So, Tescos covered our Eurotunnel and accommodation. Super bien!

We stayed at the Domain Du Kerlann Siblu resort in Brittany. The weather was good, the local beaches beautiful, the natives friendly and very accommodating of me practising my rusty, schoolgirl French.

Where Children Sleep

2011-09-07T15:28:00.000+01:00

My one year old and eight year old girls share a very small bedroom.

Ella has a cabin bed, Lissy has a cot bed, there's a small wardrobe with drawers for Ella's clothes and Lissy's clothes are stored in our bedroom because there's nowhere else to put them. Both girls' toys and books are in the recess under Ella's bed.

I love where we live but the lack of space can sometimes get me down. My hubby and I go round in circles discussing the 'what ifs-maybes-but hows' of bringing up our family in a nice area (pretty, lots of green, safe, quiet), near to most of our friends and also to Ella's dad (due to our shared childcare arrangement) but with a more liveable amount of space. On one average income that's a tall order in Oxfordshire.

A documentary photographer from Oxford has a new book out that shows children from different cultures and their bedrooms. Where Children Sleep shows a 4 year old from Romania who sleeps outside on a mattress, an 8 year old who lives with his family on top of a large dump and a 15 year old trainee geisha who sleeps on the floor in a teahouse. Have a look and let me know what you think. I, for one, realise how hugely lucky both me and my girls are.

Free Kids Tights Please!

2011-08-23T21:30:00.002+01:00

I got sent some super cute, super soft tights for my one year old and eight year old from a company called 'Tights Please' asking if I'd like to offer my blog readers a chance to win some free tights.

Well, times are hard for many of us and while I hope that buying tights for your daughter(s) won't break the bank, getting something (anything!) for free has gotta be a good thing.

And since there are only 70 odd people (I'm not saying you're odd, you know what I mean..) who subscribe to my blog and many of those may not have girl children - or even children at all - and there are ten pairs of tights to win I'd say you're in with a pretty good chance of getting your hands on a freebie.

Seeing as it's nearly back to school time, (is that the sound of jubilant whooping and ecstatic ululations I can hear? Not from me matey, me n my ex operate a 'one week with me, one week with you' policy in the summer hols so my time with my biggest little darling goes by in a flash) Tights Please are offering opaques in any colour to fit in with your child's school uniform. Not got a school-aged child? They do them in sizes baby to 14 yrs so fear not.

You can enter here and if the landing page hasn't been updated please rest assured that the closing date for entries is now 4th September so you still have time.

Check out the rest of their school tights here.

Oh, and if you have the legs for it check out these fab bondage-style tights cool or what?

Breastfeeding Flashmob Video!!

2011-08-07T19:39:00.001+01:00

To mark the close of World Breastfeeding week, here's a video I'm very proud of.

Well done Rose from Nurture With Soul for pulling together such an awesome event (with a little help from yours truly!). It was a very special thing to be part of and I'm glad our hours on the phone and at our PCs were fruitful in the end.

Thank you to the 170(ish)nursing mamas who took the time to come to London and help us highlight the UK's low breastfeeding rates and prudish attitudes to breastfeeding mums.

Breastfeeding Flashmob Video - London Paddington.

Larmer Tree Festival

2011-07-23T11:05:00.000+01:00

Larmer Tree was sweet, small and safe. There were lots of interesting workshops - we took Lissy to a baby music session and Ella did loads in the craft tent including making a photo frame and a puppet.

The weather was awful - too much wind and rain which really dampened our spirits. Coupled with a teething baby in the grips of a heavy cold the weekend was more trying than fun.

But there were some lovely moments: Ella and I dancing in the woods; escaping from the rain into a yurt where we ended up making friendship bracelets and God's eyes from colourful yarn; doing a Bollywood dance workshop in 1950s fancy dress and wellies and - best of all - Ella refusing to come and watch the headlining band, Asian Dub Foundation, because she wanted to keep watching the performance poetry. A proud moment.

We have now decided that next year we will only do local festivals where we can retreat top the comforts of home afterwards and we will leave ticket-buying to the last minute so we can check weather forecasts. I must be getting old! But it's not as much fun being at an outdoor event in torrential rain - unless you can numb/warm yourself with copious amounts of alcohol, cover yourself in mud and become one with the elements. Something I would opt to do sans enfants...

Family Festival Packing List

2011-07-14T13:24:00.001+01:00

OK so this may not be the most interesting blogpost in the history of the internet, but I hope you'll find it useful.

We're off to Larmer Tree Festival this weekend (I am so excited!!!) and I thought I'd share our family festival packing list with you. Why? To save you the hassle of starting your own one from scratch of course.

This should be a good starting point for any camping trip or family weekend away. Here goes:

MUM'S HANDBAG
Festi Tickets
Festi Programme
Pen
Directions
Mobile– fully charged
Purse
Sunglasses
Small mirror
Dummies & holders

Mummy's bag:
Camera – fully charged
Clothes
Fancy dress incl sunglasses and white shoes & socks (its a 1950's theme)
Jeans
Jumper
Cardigan
Top
Dress & matching warm up eg leggings/tights
Coat
Yoga trousers & top (let's see if I actually make those 9:30am yoga workshops!)
Pyjamas
3xpants
Socks
Warm socks (bed)
Flip flops (wear?)
Other shoes
Wellies
wellie socks
Jewellery
Wilkinet baby carrier & instructions
Toiletries
Hairbrush & band
Make-up bag (include lipstain, sheer foundation, eyeliner, eyeshadow, mascara,blusher)
Body glitter
Large mirror
Make up remover wipes
Sunscreen lotion
deodorant
night moisturiser
Toothbrush & toothpaste
Nail cleaner
Sanitary protection - mooncup/tampons
Batiste (a life saver - dry hair shampoo. Also has the added bonus of making your hair look thicker. Love it!)
misc
Brolly
water bottle

Daddy’s bag:
Pyjamas
Bed socks
Pants x 3
Socks x 2
Jeans
Shorts
jumper
T-shirts x 2
Jacket
Warm coat
sun hat
Fancy dress stuff?
Packamacs
Boots/shoes
Rucksack for daytime
ear plugs
Toiletries
Toiletry bag
deodorant
moisturiser
Toothbrush & toothpaste

Ella’s bag:
Teddy
Pyjamas
Bed socks
Pants x 3
Socks x 2
Jeans
Leggings
Dress
jumper
T-shirts x 2
Cardigan/zip top
Warm coat
sun hat
crocs
trainers
wellies & wellie socks
Toothbrush & toothpaste
hairbrush & bands
Bubble wand

Baby Lissy’s bag:
Warm sleeping bag
Full body coat
Rain mac
Teddy
Pyjamas
Dresses x 2
Leggings x 2
Jeans
T-shirts x 3
Socks x 2
Cardigan/zip top
Lots of nappies
baby blankets
Toothbrush & toothpaste

Lissy changing bag:
travel changing mat
4xnappies
wipes
bum cream
spare clothes
socks
shoes
food pouches & snacks
water bottle
sun hat
changing mat
nappy sacks
fabric bib
snack box
Buggy
Full blackout shade
Raincover

Tent
Tent,Stakes, poles, mallet
Doormat (seems overkill but hugely useful for keeping the tent floor clean)
dustpan & brush (ditto)
airbeds x 2
sleeping bags x 3
yoga mat & under bed rolls
El duvet & pillow
Parents duvet & pillows
Extra blankets
knee pillows
2 x face towels, 3 x flannels
Torches & batteries
Camping chairs
Foldable stools
Picnic blanket
Bungee cords
Duct tape
Swiss army knife
lanterns
Bunting Flag

Food items
Cereal
Porridge & sultanas&fructose
Fruit
Snacks eg flapjacks,nuts
Pasta & sauce & salad
stirfry veg, ready-cooked rice & sauce
Picky bits incl sliced bread,cheese,houmous,antipasti veg, olives,veg&normal ham
Beans and veggie sausage tins
Tea
Milk
Kara (non-dairy milk for me and Liss)
Coffee & filter jug (just cos we're camping there's no need to put up with instant coffee!)
herbal tea bags incl redbush
Water
Beer,wine
cooking oil
Baby food pouches
Baby snacks
bowls & cutlery forks/knives/spoons x 3
Bib (washable)
tea mugs x3
Camp Stove & fuel
table
lighter
Can opener/bottle opener
kettle
2xsaucepans (1 lid)
sharp knife & chopping board
colander
wooden spoon
Ella water bottle
Washing up bowl & liquid & scrubber&brush & 2 x dishtowels
few clothes pegs

Misc
Bin bags - large and smaller
loo rolls
Hand sanitizer

First aid
Plasters
El ear moisturiser & cream from docs
lavender essential oil (for burns,cuts,insect bites etc)
Lissy chest rub
Echinacea & dropper & cup (Lissy's getting over a heavy cold)
teething granules

A Little Bit (Squirt?) of Lactivism

2011-06-27T22:41:00.001+01:00

Our flashmob went really well. About 170 mamas turned up and nursed their little ones for around 20 minutes. The atmosphere was serene yet charged - I felt all tingly and part of something special :-)

Here are some breastfeeding flashmob photos

My first foray into 'lactivism' was sweet, exciting, and heartwarming. I really enjoyed seeing so many nursing mothers together and I felt proud of us all. Some mums had travelled quite a distance to be there for just twenty minutes.

Why did we do it? Read this post. There should be a video on YouTube in a week, I'll post the link when I have it.

Despite mine and Rose's best efforts I don't think the media picked up on it as much as we'd have liked. Although Melinda Messenger (who supported our campaign) was interviewed on Channel 5 about it - and I think Pregnancy & Birth magazine may run some info on it. Well, they asked for a photo so I'm hoping they will print it....

A friend invited me to a La Leche League meeting recently. La Leche is a really friendly bunch of women devoted to making breastfeeding good for you and your baby. The organisation started around fifty years ago with the aim of helping mothers to breastfeed through mother-to-mother support, information and education.

Here are a couple of quotes from mums who have used the (free) service:

"It took me until I was pregnant with my sixth baby to discover La Leche League (no, I didn't know how to pronounce it then either!) I went along to a local group meeting and at last, here were people, who knew what they were talking about, who understood my desperate need to breastfeed the baby I was carrying. This time I succeeded and then went on to breastfeed baby number seven too"

"I am a lone mum of two. I breastfed my daughter, now four years old, for three weeks, giving up after a difficult pregnancy and delivery and a lack of support. I breastfed my son until two months ago when he was 13 months old. I thoroughly enjoyed it"

Good stuff. I think more women will try, or persevere with, breastfeeding if they get the right support. I found the first two weeks quite tricky (and sore) with Ella but had some great advice and hands-on help from breastfeeding counsellors and my Health Visitor and went on to feed her until she was 12 months.

I'd like to feed Lissy for longer - but I have no particular age in mind. I will stop when one of us doesn't want to do it any more (it will probably be me first!). I have a different view of 'extended' breastfeeding since I've been exposed to mothers nursing toddlers. A couple of my friends have done so, and I have seen a few mums at La Leche League and at the flashmob nurse infants older than 18 months.

I understand that some people may find that strange or uncomfortable, I admit I used to before I became more accustomed to the idea by seeing people doing it and understanding why they were doing it (instead of presuming it was the mother's inability to let her baby grow up!! I honestly used to think that).

In fact, it's a huge boost to a child's health to breastfeed to two years of age and beyond. Something the World Helath Organisation now recommends as a worldwide policy ie not just for developing countries. Here's some more info on the health benefits of extended breastfeeding.

But hey, if I don't make it to two years because I'm fed up of it then that's OK too. And if you're a confirmed formula feeder for whatever reason - choice, circumstance or having tried breastfeeding you now want the freedom to drink more wine and buy tops and dresses without having to consider how easily you can get your tits out of them - that's cool.

We mamas have got to do things our own way. My way may not be your way. But I will never apologise for being passionate about something and promoting something I believe in. Over the last few months of helping Rose organise the flashmob I've come to realise just how passionate I am that every woman in the UK (and beyond) should have the support and information she needs to give her baby the best start in life by breastfeeding her baby as long as she can.

Someone sent me a link to a breast versus formula article in The Ecologist. It takes a very firm stance, something I've not seen before as articles are usually very careful to take a 'breast is best but formula comes a close second' point of view. Here it is. What do you make of it?

Some of my best mates use formula exclusively and I in no way judge them - or you - for doing so. It's a fairly meaty article, I just want to know what you think...

Ferel free to share your thoughts on breastfeeding, bottle feeding, extended breastfeeding, flashmobbing etc too!

Baby Cake

2011-06-16T21:15:00.001+01:00

My gorgeous little girl turns one tomorrow. Lissy is the apple of my eye, the song in my heart, the smile on my lips. While pregnant, I sometimes wondered if I would love her as much as I do Ella. I realise that with every baby, a mother's heart stretches to hold even more love than was possible before. Of course, that's not the only thing that stretches with a new baby but we won't go into that here ;-)

To celebrate, tomorrow after Ella and I are back from school I'm having a few girlfriends over with their babies for tea and cake. Mummies will be tucking into pecan and walnut brownies and peanut butter cookies which I made using recipes from my newest cookbook 'Baking Made Easy' by the gorgeous Lorraine Pascale. My baking used to be hit and miss, but thanks to Lorraine now it's a hit every time.

Babies will be tucking into the sugar-free yet oh-so-scrummy Banana and Raisin cake. I adapted a recipe from a library book - 'Superfoods for Super Kids'. It's been such a huge hit with the whole family and it's perfect for taking out on picnics or in lunchboxes. Recipe is below - let me know how you get on with it.

On Saturday we plan to go to Bucklebury Farm Park with some friends. It's in the village where Kate Middleton grew up in. That has no relevance to anything but I thought you might find it interesting. I'm getting quite excited about their new attraction - a Jumping Pillow. It's a curved inflatable, a bit like a giant bouncy castle without the sides. I just hope adults can have a go too!

Baby-Friendly Banana and Raisin Cake

Ingredients
2 beaten eggs
4 ripe bananas, mashed
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 cup raisins
1/3 cup butter or coconut oil - softened (available from health food shops)
1 cup wholemeal or spelt self-raising flour (Spelt has less gluten than normal flour and so is much easier to digest)
(optional) 1 tsp vanilla extract or scraped beans from pod (or Waitrose does a fab vanilla bean paste)

Preheat oven to 180C/250F/Gas Mark 4. Mix eggs and bananas. Stir in rest of ingredients. Transfer to oiled loaf or cake tin, cook for 30-40 mins until skewer inserted in centre comes out clean.

Melinda Messenger Supports Boobies for Babies!

2011-06-14T11:04:00.005+01:00

The date for our flashmob is fast approaching. Just finished the Press Release (see below). If you want to be a part of it just join our Facebook group at for the full details http://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=group_154794384577591&ap=1

BREASTFEEDING FLASHMOB to challenge low breastfeeding rates.
Melinda Messenger champions first ever celebration of ‘boobies for babies’
Time: 2pm Friday 24th June, central London. LOCATION BEING KEPT SECRET BUT WILL BE REVEALED TO BONA FIDE MEDIA ENQUIRIES

An expected 200 breastfeeding mothers will all nurse their infants together in a flashmob, championed by ex-Page 3 favourite Melinda Messenger and organised by two mothers from Henley-on-Thames.

The mothers want to celebrate National Breastfeeding Awareness Week and call for a more breastfeeding-friendly UK. The flashmobbers also want to highlight our country’s shockingly low breastfeeding rates.

Overall, only 45 per cent of UK babies are exclusively breastfed at one week, 21 per cent at six weeks, 7 per cent at four months and only 3 per cent at five months of age (source: Office for National Statistics). This shows there is something seriously wrong with the breastfeeding culture in the UK. The World Health Organisation (WHO) and the NHS both recommend exclusive breastfeeding until six months of age. WHO also recommends breastfeeding alongside other foods for at least two years.

Many women feel inhibited about breastfeeding in public despite the equality act passed in 2010 that protects women, allowing them to breastfeed their baby anywhere regardless of the baby’s age. The sight of a nursing woman is rare in the UK, contributing to the feeling of unease felt by some people when seeing a woman breastfeed in public.

Of the 1,200 women who took part in an online poll run by Mother and Baby magazine and supported by the National Childbirth Trust, 60 per cent felt that the UK frowned on breastfeeding mothers and 65 per cent intended to not breastfeed in public for fear of being stared at. Two thirds maintained that feeding their baby in public had been a stressful experience, and more than half of these had been asked to move out of a restaurant, cafe or coffee shop when they were feeding.

Mother of three and winner of 2003 Celebrity Mum of the Year Award, Melinda Messenger, says: “The law says mums have the right to breastfeed anywhere but they can be put off by uncomfortable looks and embarrassed stares so we need to challenge British reserve and celebrate the act of breastfeeding in public.”

The flashmob is an independent group of nursing mothers who hope to achieve the following through this mass nurse-in event:

• Encourage mothers to feel confident when they breastfeed in public.
• Help those who do not feel comfortable around nursing mothers to feel more at ease.
• Call for a more open- and healthy-minded attitude to breastfeeding for future generations.
• Remind people of the breast’s primary purpose, a natural part of our existence.
• Get breasts in the media for the right reason.

The originator and main organiser of the flashmob, Rose Tolhurst, says ‘”I was amazed at how the Facebook flashmob group grew so quickly. We have over 500 members.There are so many passionate breastfeeders out there who all want to do their bit to tackle society’s prudish attitudes towards breasts. If we can encourage even a handful of women to breastfeed their babies confidently in public then this flashmob will have been successful. This is not a breast versus bottle issue - it’s bigger than that. This is breast versus society!”

Co-organiser of the flashmob, Anna Higgs, adds “It’s time for us breastfeeding mothers to take a stand. Boobies are for babies too, and we want to remind the general public that breastfeeding in public is normal and is not an antisocial act. This is particularly important since according to a recent BBC documentary ‘Is Breast Best?’ the UK has the second lowest breastfeeding rates out of 36 European countries.”

Rose and Anna recruited the breastfeeding mothers through Facebook and by posting a ‘call to arms’ on various parenting and pro-breastfeeding websites such as lactivist.net. A straw poll of the flashmobbers reveal that 63% have received uncomfortable looks or comments from strangers while feeding in public.

Some of the mums in the flashmob have been made to feel acutely embarrassed by ill-judged comments from staff in hospitals, famous high street stores and coffee shops. For example, Kelly Parsons Kelly Parsons was having a cup of tea and feeding her 14 day old baby in Starbucks, Sutton. Even with her discreet nursing apron on a member of staff took offence and asked her to do it somewhere else next time.

(For further personal stories and contact details please see end of this document)

-ENDS-

Media enquires to:
Rose Tolhurst – Flashmob Main Organiser rose_tolhurst(at)yahoo(dot)com
Anna Higgs – Flashmob Co-organiser annacolette(at)gmail(dot)com

Additional Information:
Rose Tolhurst blogs at: nurturewithsoul.blogspot.com
Anna Higgs blogs at: http://www.partmummypartme.blogspot.com/

WHO Breastfeeding Facts and Statistics http://www.who.int/topics/breastfeeding/en/
NCT Document summary: Key Baby Feeding Statistics from the 2005 UK Infant Feeding survey. http://www.nct.org.uk/sites/default/files/related_documents/DS14%20Infant%20Feeding%20Survey%202005%20Key%20Statistics%20%5BUK%5D.pdf
The Office for National Statistics performs its Infant Feeding Survey every five years. The figures from the 2005 survey were published in March 2008. http://www.ic.nhs.uk/statistics-and-data-collections/health-and-lifestyles-related-surveys/infant-feeding-survey/infant-feeding-survey-2005
Breastfeeding Online Survey 2009 of 1,200 women: http://www.askamum.co.uk/News/Search-Results/Current-news/Britain-failing-breastfeeding-mothers/ commissioned by Mother & Baby, supported by National Childbirth Trust
National Breastfeeding Week Info for 2011: http://www.lactivist.net/?p=2768

Breastfeeding in Public Stories

Steph Martinon and her two week old baby had been invited to a 1st birthday party by one of her oldest friends. A week before the party Steph had made a joke on Facebook referring to herself as ‘feeding like a cow’. She got an immediate phone call from her friend asking if she was breastfeeding. Steph answered that she was and the reply was ‘Oh. Well maybe you shouldn’t come, I don’t wan’t my friends and family feeling uncomfortable’. Steph was very upset to miss out on the opportunity to introduce her brand new baby to her old friends and subsequently lost her friendship because of it.

Eugena Keene was having to stay in the class room with her four year old autistic son, as he was new to school. While she was breastfeeding her 14 month old baby the head teacher asked her if she would only feed in the staff room as the children were starting to 'catch on’ and she thought it inappropriate to feed the baby in front them.

Kelly Parsons was having a cup of tea and feeding her 14 day old baby in Starbucks, Sutton. Even with her discreet nursing apron on a member of staff took offence and asked her to do it somewhere else next time.

Robyn Cooke was feeding her seven week old baby at Stoke Mandeville Hospital, the same hospital she gave birth in. Her baby was not gaining weight as it should, a term called ‘failure to thrive’. The paediatrician had recommended she switch to bottle feeding and Robyn was giving what she thought may have been her last breastfeed when a receptionist shouted across a busy room for her to feed in the toilets!

Thankfully this was not the end of her breastfeeding experience. With no help from the paediatrician, Robyn discovered the breastfeeding clinic at the hospital. The clinic discovered that her baby had a tongue tie which was fixed with a small incision. Subsequently, her baby started to thrive with no need to switch formula.

Abbie Kennedy was induced at 39 weeks due to Pre-eclampsia. Although Toby was born healthy, Abbie struggled to get him latch on. The hospital, Firmley Park in Surrey, pressured her into formula feeding which she did not want to do. She lied to the hospital staff that her baby had fed well so that she could get discharged. Once home, she sought out help from the midwives who were unwilling to help, and also suggested she give her baby formula.

With the support of her mum, Abbie expressed breastmilk and fed it to Toby in a bottle. Abbie sought out breastfeeding support groups, but no matter what he wasn't able to latch. She pumped for him for 9 weeks. Resigning herself to the fact that he'd never breastfeed, one day he latched on and fed like a dream. He is 2 years and 2 months old now and still breastfeeding. Abbey never discovered why he couldn't feed, although she suspects it was due to an undiagnosed tongue tie. She felt very let down by the NHS and if it wasn’t for her own determination would not have been able to give her baby the best possible start in life.

Breastfeeding in the UK

2011-04-17T22:04:00.001+01:00

I've just watched 'Is Breast Best?' on Iplayer: watch it here

I was shocked to discover that the UK has the 2nd lowest breastfeeding rate in 36 countries. Did you know, only 3% of UK women are exclusively breastfeeding their babies at 5 months?

As one girl in the programme said, there aren't enough women breastfeeding in public for it to be considered normal.

A new mum friend of mine, Rose, has started an amazing initiative to help normalise breastfeeding in public. She is organising a breastfeeding 'nurse-in' at a central London location in June (during National Breastfeeding Awareness Week). We are aiming to get 100+ women feeding their babies at the same time. This has never been done on such a scale in the UK!

To ensure the element of surprise, we're not widely publicising the date,time and venue. For these details, nursing mums can join the Facebook Group 'Breast Feeding Flash Mob'.

The direct link to the Facebook group is: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=group_154794384577591

The Facebook group has only been going for a few weeks and already has 365 members. The idea is really taking off. Please spread the word to any nursing mums you know.

BTW - I am in no way against bottle feeding. Some of my good friends bottle feed their babies and I fully respect their right to do so. I understand that not all women find it as easy and convenient as I do. However, I am passionate about promoting breastfeeding and helping women to feel confident to do it in public.

Get Your Kids Out for a Walk - Without Whingeing!

2011-03-13T21:30:00.000Z

We went geocaching with friends today and loved it.

What's geocaching? It's an activity that's been going for over a decade apparently. Today was the first time I've heard of it.

Basically, it involves going for a walk with your GPS (SatNav should be fine if you've got pedestrian as well as road maps) to seek hidden treasure. How exciting is that?! You visit the geocaching website, find a cache in your area, enter the coordinates into your GPS and decode the clue to pinpoint the exact location.

Usually they're little tupperware boxes - the one we found today was hidden in a hollow at the base of a tree covered with moss, leaves and twigs.

The deal is you take out the item/s you fancy and put back treasure of your own. Oh, and sign the notebook you'll find in the cache with the date, what you took and waht you left in the cache (which in our case was filled with little knick knacks like colouring pencils, small plastic toys, a tube of hand cream etc).

The cache isn't really the point, it's the journey that's the fun bit. And feeling like you're on a mission - and part of a secret, global game. Apparently, there are well over a million caches around the world and around 6,7000 caches in the UK.

Our coded clue from the website was goobledygook to me, until my more experienced friends explained that you just need to divide the alphabet in half, write out the second half of the letters directly under the first 13 letters and exchange the letters based on the encrypted clues given. So:

ABCDEFGHIJKLM
NOPQRSTUVWXYZ

B can be exchanged for the letter below, which is O
Q in the clue is decodes to a D

The best thing is, we got to walk in the beautiful countryside around Ewelme with our friends and our kids with no whingeing. Well, Ella did have a little grumble on the way back but to be fair she had hurt her foot a little by tripping over the undergrowth so was keen to have a rest. Still quite a contrast to yesterday when she complained constantly about her feet aching during our 20 minute amble to the churchyard and back to get some fresh air. Bless.

I think more geocaching is in order to build up my darling girl's rambling legs (like sealegs but less wobbly).

Should help with losing the ole baby weight too which has attractively settled around my middle and is currently being honoured with wine (only a little mind you, I'm breastfeeding. But it is a weekend..) and dark chocolate. Yes, more exercise is definitely in order chez nous. And who can resist a little outdoor treasure hunting?

To find out more, and sign up (for free) visit http://www.geocaching.com/

Breastfeeding Flash Mob LONDON

2011-03-10T20:33:00.002Z

Fancy getting boobs into the media for the right reasons? Want to help promote breastfeeding, and help normalise feeding in public?

The Breast Feeding Flashmob London Needs You!

To coincide with National Breast Feeding Awareness Week in June 2011, an independent group of mums is organising the UK’s first ever 'Breast Feeding Flashmob*' in a central London location.

If you would like to be involved please join our facebook group - http://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=group_154794384577591

Please help us spread the word and let’s make history
Thank you :-)

*Despite the group name, actually flashing your boobs is not necessary! Dictionary definition of a Flashmob (or flash mob): A group of people coordinated by email and social media to meet to perform some predetermined action at a particular place and time and then disperse quickly.

In The Pink

2011-02-28T19:02:00.000Z

Well, after my last (clearly very controversial) post, I thought you might need some light relief. I know I do. Rest assured, the vaccination debate will continue to rage on at Part Mummy Part Me - and as a result you may well find youself becoming dis-illusioned in the true sense of the word.

But for now I am feeling flippant and fun.

Loving being a mummy, but feeling a bit mumsy I have not only gone blonde for the summer - as per usual - but have added pink bits. Something I've hankered after for years and can now indulge in for a while now that the meetings in London have been replaced with mum and baby meet ups.

Because 'crazy colours' tend to be semi permanent, fading after a few months, I am flirting with the idea of a few purple streaks next time. Or maybe both pink and purple? Hubby is getting in touch with his inner hairdresser - he even did the blonde for me. Not a bad job hey?

MMR, Autism and Why I'm Not Vaccinating

2011-02-23T13:27:00.001Z

I recently had a chat with a friend who is worried about getting the MMR due to her nephew becoming autistic shortly after the jab. The current official medical line is that there is no proven link, but many medical professionals and researchers are still saying otherwise.

Please, please look into this for yourselves so you can make an informed decision. Here are a couple of short articles to get you started:

http://sanevax.org/blog/?p=2070

http://www.ageofautism.com/2011/02/new-medical-journal-review-vaccine-injury-is-a-documented-cause-of-autism.html

I will be posting a lot more on childhood vaccination as I have been reading a lot about it and am completely appalled by the lack of scientific for their efficacy, and the reality of what is actually in those shots we allow our babies and children to get - and what harm they can really do.

Vaccination seems to be a sacred cow. Something you can't talk about in mum and baby groups for fear of being a pariah or labelled a freaky conspiracy theorist. Believe me, when you start scratching the surface it is a murky world of half truths and lies - and big, big profits for the pharmaceutical industry.

My eldest daughter is fully vaccinated (MMR too) I had a few concerns about MMR but her dad urged me to press ahead and I didn't even think to do my homework on the vaccinations she had as a baby. I mean, they've got to have been fully tested right? Vaccination is responsible for wiping out smallpox and other nasties right? Hmm, think again.

I had a gut feel that vaccination wasn't right for Alicia, I was only barely aware that you could choose not to get them done - or at least pay for separate shots privately to avoid toxic overload.

So, I started to look into the topic with what I admit is a huge a bias. That is, I didn't want her to be vaccinated at all and I wanyed to find out if that was a sensible choice and to reassure myself that I was doing the right thing for her.

I've read so much, and retained so little of it as per usual, that I am convinced I'm making the right choice. I only wish that I had known what I now know when Ella was a baby.

I will post more on this topic over the coming months, along with resources and links so you can do your own research too if you like. If your kids are already vaccinated but you know friends who haven't gone ahead yet please encourage them to at least look into the subject.

Here's a few resources I have found easy to read and useful:

Free report signed by medical professionals concerned about the dangers of childhood vaccination: http://www.naturalnews.com/031173_vaccines_science.html OK so if you're a PhD student you can refute everything in here as just 'opinion' but I think it puts forward some of the major points of concern around vaccination and there are other fully referenced publications, proper scientific reports etc I have read which back up these views.

The Vaccination Bible - Lynne McTaggart this is a great book, it really helps you to make an informed decision

Make a Wishbomb

2011-02-06T11:55:00.001Z

Ok it's time to get rid of the baby weight (and the weight I put on before I got pregnant!).

I really want to be 9 stone again - the same weight I was when I first met my lovely hubby three and a half years ago. I was running regularly at the time, went out dancing a lot and didn't have quite so much of a chocolate addiction. So, I know I need to add much more activity into my life and rein in my sweet tooth.

Unfortunately, my weak ankles and fallen arches do not make me a great candidate for running. Since I've stopped running my back is so much better. Unfortunately I am so much podgier too. Perhaps some fast walking with the buggy will do the trick..although my ankle is still not good. I went over on it again four days ago - and this time dropped Alicia.

How stupid of me to be holding her again. Well, my ankle was feeling much better and I was wearing a support, and I was doing the short walk across the road to accompany Ella from my car to her school. It didn't seem worth it to pop the baby in the buggy. I have truly learned my lesson.

Anyhow, I digress. I completely subscribe to Stephen Covey's philosophy “The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.” It's the only way to get anything done. I tend to have a million and one goals, plans and dream whizzing through my head and bumping into a hundred and one items on my mental 'to do' list. I'm not sure that will ever change, but as from today I am making a firm commitment to keep weight loss as my main priority until I am 9 stone once again.

To this end, I have logged my goal (to be 9 stone by 1st July 2011) on wishbomb I'd love your support and encouragement. It will really help me stay focused on my goal. Visit Wishbomb a search for me, 'Anna Higgs'. I think you need to register first (it's free). Maybe you want to start a goal of your own on Wishbomb? After all, they do say 'what gets measured gets done'.

Wish me luck! Any weight loss, exercise tips etc gratefully received.

Anna xx (currently 11 stone 6. Eek. Although that was on the scalkes in Boots fully clothed and with shoes on. Very heavy shoes on obviously!!)

Ouch

2011-01-24T21:56:00.001Z

I've sprained my ankle and can't drive. Bit of a bugger when you live in the country with no real bus service to speak of.

I had a spectacular fall outside tesco superstore in Reading en route to visiting a friend. I was holding Alicia in my arms, walking towards the trolleys.

Thank god my mothering instincts kicked in and I somehow managed to keep Lissy in the same position in the air while I crumpled in a heap around her. It must have looked pretty amazing. I couldn't get up for ages, thankfully a nice elderly couple held Lissy for me while I recovered.

I had a weird blackout thing for a few seconds too, I'm not sure if it was before the fall ie the cause of it, or after the fall from the shock of nearly chucking my child onto the concrete!

My friend came to collect me and we spent a nice day at her house, me hobbling about rather pathetically when not elevating and icing my poor ankle. A mum from school picked Ella up for me and took her back to her house where she has stayed - electing to have a sleepover seeing as hubby couldn't collect her until much later and I can't drive her to school tomorrow morning anyway. What a star that mummy is.

Hubby came to get Lissy and me after work - his friend collected him from our house so J could fetch our car from Tesco carpark.

Dramarama.

Am now deep into doing my online tax return. Oh joy. Nearly finished it.

Looking forward to doing Notes' 'I Love Me' theme tomorrow. I could do with a good rant. I have one forming about boobs actually. Not mistakes. Bangers. Norks. Tits. Watch this space ;-)

What I Want & What I'm Doing

2011-01-21T20:20:00.001Z

Haven't posted for a while. Alicia's 3 week long nighttime coughing fits peaked a few days ago and left me a frail husk of my former self. I was ill without actually being ill. Ill from lack of sleep. Barely able to boot up my lappy.

Alicia was completely fine during the day, she'd wake up with a choking cough around 2am and not really settle afterwards. Luckily, three nights of garlic socks and a few drops of echinacea in orange juice (vit c helps it work more effectively)three times a day has ended the ordeal for us all.

I have a lot going on at the moment, or I'm about to anyway. I'm talking to my boss tomorrow about starting work. My plan is to squeeze in a few hours a day when Alicia naps - with the possibility of doing more on the weekend if needed. This is all because I can't bear to leave her with a childminder just yet.

I'm sure I can find someone to take good care of her. It's just that I want her to be loved, kissed, cuddled and tickled all day long too. Something a paid professional may not do. After all, they get paid to care not to love. A subtle difference but to me a huge one when Lissy's only 7 months.

I'm also about to start my home study course to become a hypnobirthing practitioner. I have always wanted to have a job or hobby that enables me to make a difference - to improve the world in a small way. I think, I hope, that this new venture will tick that box for me.

I'm passionate about helping other women give birth without fear, which is exactly what hypnobirthing did for me. It's something I should be able to easily fit around my day job and my family. I plan to do a one day course each month to start off and see how it goes from there. My sis is doing the training too so we will be study buddies and help to motivate each other when we start designing and running the courses. Watch this space ;-)

My other short term aims are to really focus on moving my body every day (yoga, walking) and to listen to my body more around food. I am in the grip of chocoholism at the moment and have a disturbing propensity to eat and eat and eat - totally ignoring the fact that I'm full. Food for a treat, for entertainment, out of habit, in lieu of alcohol, fags and other naughties...I want to learn to eat from hunger instead. The good old fashioned way.

Which sparks me to answer Notes to Self Plus Two's McLinky thing (which I missed due to extreme sleep deprivation and general malaise): 'What do you want for you in 2011?':

1. To have a firm, fit, healthy body I'm proud of. Translates into - get back to 9 stone by May and look good in shorts this summer.

2. To make more money. Shallow, yes. I want to buy a house in a year or two. A 3 bed one, ideally with a study or dining room where I can work from. We love living in this idyllic village but our rented 2 bed bungalow is a bit of a tight fit now there's four of us. I dream of buying one of the big houses down the road. But the 3 beds here are around £430K way, way out of our league. At the moment anyway. Just until I come up with my Plan For Affluence.

3. To be a brighter light. I have a sun tattoo on my arm, partly because as a Leo that's my birth planet but mainly to remind me to be the source of warmth, happiness, inspiration and light in my own and others' lives. I want to start fulfilling this - be a better wife, mother, friend. Spread more happiness and love in my corner of the world. Make a difference. Light up peoples' lives - especially my loved ones'.

What Blogging has Made Me Realise (I Love Me Monday)

2011-01-10T20:45:00.001Z

The lovely Notes to Self Plus Two has started an initiative to help us mummy bloggers reconnect with the 'me' in 'mummee'(geddit?): the 'I Love Me Mondays' blog linkup.

As she so rightly observes, us mums usually start blogging because we want to hold onto our sense of self in the often wonderful, sometimes terrible, nearly always all-encompassing role of Parent.

The 'I Love Me Mondays' writing theme for today is 'What have I realised about me through blogging?'. I have realised:

1. That being a (good) mum is the most important thing in the world to me. Seems obvious but when I started my blog I was more focused on the 'Part Me' bit than the 'Part Mummy'. Through writing about family life (amongst other things) I have realised that it is the source of my most magical, magnificent moments and is the strongest influence on my self-development. Being a Mummy has, is, making me a better Me.

2. I have had a really interesting and varied life so far. Writing this post made me realise that. I intend to keep living life in glorious technicolour (with a few ad breaks so I can put my feet up and have a cuppa and a biscuit, natch).

3. I seek validation and praise. Yup, I'm all too human. Before blogging I genuinely thought I didn't care about what people I'd never met thought about me and that I didn't need friends+/family to tell me how fabulous I am because we just know we're in each others' fan clubs.

Blogging introduced me to the joys of reading uplifting comments - from friends and strangers - and the abject despair of spilling your guts or writing something witty and true only to find no one has read it. Or rather, no proof that anyone has 'heard' you in that crowded space they call the blogosphere. No comments on a post = extremely disheartening (hint, hint).

Blogging

Themes are My New Resolutions

2011-01-06T22:52:00.002Z

Happy New Year!!

This year I'm doing away with resolutions (who really keeps those past January anyway?!) and opting for themes instead. Yes, themes like movies and books have. Life imitating art. But not in a pretentious way. It's a less committed approach than resolutions but achieves a similar thing i.e. focusing your efforts on what is important to you at the moment.

My themes for 2011 are:

+Fun
+Fitness & health
+Yoga
+Drumming

These are my main dishes in the scrumptious feast that I hope this year will be.

I've recently discovered that the main thing is to focus on the main thing. It's the only way to get anything done. I've used that approach to do yoga EVERY DAY in December. Good huh? Especially for a ~~laidback~~ busy mother of two.

As a creature of impulse afflicted with a horribly low boredom threshold, I find my life is often so jam-packed full of dreams, schemes, projects and amusements that I don't achieve the goals I want to. I try a little of everything which is lots of fun but I end each year in much the same place - both physically and metaphorically speaking.

So, this year I will narrow my focuses (foci??) and aim to progress in my two main hobbies: yoga and djembe drumming. I will also make my choices this year based on enjoyment and stop doing things because I feel I 'ought' to. That's the 'Fun' theme.

I don't really need a reminder to make this year fun, but I often get myself in a tizz trying to do the right thing by everyone else and forget to prioritise things that make me smile, things that are fun for me (and we all know that a happy mummy makes a happy family!).

Don't worry, I won't use this as an excuse to slip into my old hedonistic, excessive ways. I won't shirk my true responsibilities. But I will be saying 'no' a lot more than usual...and 'yes' to things I might have been to afraid say yes to last year. Confused? All will be revealed in the fullness of time..

And so to the fitness and health theme. Hmm. Me and the rest of the world right? Lose weight, drop a dress size, run a marathon, get leaner, faster, eat less sugar, more veg. B-O-R-I-N-G.

I'm going to use my previous theme (fun) together with this theme and do positive, easy things I enjoy that also help me take baby steps towards being a fitter, stronger, more supple, healthier, happier mama.

My first mission is to improve my body image - without necessarily improving my body. I believe we can all feel better about ourselves right now - not put off self acceptance to that magical time when we are lighter and/or smaller.

To this end, I'll be trying out different (enjoyable) techniques to help me love myself more just the way I am. Squidgy mummy tummy and all. If you want to follow my adventures in self love (god that sounds sooo dodgy!) then you need to read my secret(ish) new blog. Email me at annacolette(at)gmail(dot)com with 'Body Image' in the subject line and I'll send you the URL.

My second mission is to add some green smoothies into my life. I'm aiming to have one a week in February and will gradually crank that up. The Green Smoothie is an easy and - hopefully - delicious way to get more fruit and veg, curb your sugar cravings and lose weight. Sound good? Here are some green smoothie recipes to get you started.

What do you want your themes to be for 2011?

An Almost Perfect Christmas

2010-12-25T18:08:00.002Z

J has been an angel today - cooked the Christmas dinner, tidied up, washed up, helped loads with Little Liss.

I've chilled out, eaten lots and drank (a little) bucks fizz. We went for a walk across snow covered fields and Alicia 'sung' to us all the way. Lush.

Liss loves her Sophie the Giraffe teether, and we love her new Sterntaler boots. We tried them out on our Christmas walk and they stayed on the whole time! They have an adjustable elasticated inner sock which means they stay put on even the most wiggly baby.

Alicia chewing Sophie the Giraffe (tastes so much better upside down!)

Me and Liss - check out her new sparkly shoes!

Daddy and Lissy with her new Sterntaler boots

J loves his new telescope, I love my new jewellery, red slippers and promise of a child-free shopping trip to buy me a winter coat in the sales :-)

In fact, it's been a perfect Christmas. Actually, make that an ALMOST perfect Christmas - Els is with her dad this year and so we just had a Skype call with her. We miss her.

Unusually, we didn't have her Christmas Eve either (usually whichever parent doesn't have her Christmas Day has her Christmas Eve) because her dad wanted to take her to his girlfriend's parents and then to her Nonna (Granny) so he needed her for a good few days together. Ah well, our turn next year!

Hope you had a lovely Christmas too.

The True Cost of Cheap Food

2010-12-23T14:36:00.002Z

I'm seriously thinking about going vegan again - anyone else see the Panorama programme last night? Eew those mega dairies...scary places.

Although it was an expose of the real cost of cheap food - the toll on the environment and on animal welfare - it also reminded me why I first became vegetarian twenty six years ago. It's easy to forget why we do something when that something has become an ingrained habit, something I rarely think about anymore. But I'm thinking again...

Maybe I'm still a bit hormonal, but seeing a sow feeding her youngsters in a tiny cage (yes in the UK, no they don't roam around in fields much anymore like we all think they do) made me cry. Properly cry. Perhaps cos I'm breastfeeding at the moment I felt an affinity with that mummy pig and her babies.

The babies are reared under artificial light, in small spaces, with no rooting opportunities (essential for a piggy's happiness). A mummy pig is allowed to nurse her babies for only two to three weeks before being reimpregnated and having her babies taken from her. The babies get killed at six months.

But of course my conscience is eased by the fact I don't eat pork or bacon. But J does (mainly in his sandwiches during the working week) and so does Ella (mainly at her dad's though as I only cook veggie and vegan at home). I blithely buy cheap factory farmed meat for him when I can't find any organic piggies on the shelves in Tesco. And it turns out that large scale organic producers raise their animals in a smilar way anyhow, just without the gratuitous antibiotics and growth hormones.

I will make it my mission to source local suppliers who treat their animals well. I'm also going to make J's sandwiches more often so he gets a few veggie lunches at work too. I'm lucky to have the True Food Co-op within a short drive and I think they do some organic meat reared in small-scale farms.

As for contemplating the vegan thing again. Well, I was vegalicious once and I know that diary cows have a hard time of it. Forced to be pregnant continually so they keep producing milk, slaughtered at around five years old when they're no longer 'useful' and their babies killed shortly after birth or raised as veal calves.

Not to mention the distress they must feel at having their babies taken away from them. And I'm not anthropomorphising:

"The harsh reality is that to produce milk, a cow must have a calf. To maximise production, each calf is taken from its mother within 24-48 hours of birth. Calves would naturally suckle for 6-12 months.

"Separation is a distressing process as mother and calf form a strong maternal bond. Dairy cow husbandry expert, Professor John Webster described the removal of the calf as the “most potentially distressing incident in the life of the dairy cow”. Webster points out that “the cow will submit herself to considerable personal discomfort or risk to nourish and protect her calf”. Examples of this are cows that have escaped and travelled several miles to find their own calf after it has been sold on to another farm"
Excerpt from The Vegan Society website

As a mother, I can't fail to be moved. But veganism can be a tricky thing to manage 100%. Which is why I'm going to approach it softly, softly and initially just aim to eat more vegan meals and use Kara, oat milk etc (I don't like the taste of soya milk much!) in my teas and coffees but not panic if I'm at a friend's house and have cow's milk.

If you're not a veggie or vegan but would like to reduce the cruelty content in your diet, how about having a Meatless Monday? It's easy to achieve and, as they say at Tesco, every little helps...

Homemade Christmas

2010-12-19T13:18:00.000Z

There's a lady in the village next to mine who works from home as a florist. Every December she runs wreath-making courses. I was intrigued, so went along.

Bless her, the old dear is registered blind but still can whip up an amazing bouquet in a matter of minutes. We were shown how to make a wreath using an oasis and loads of greenery. There was a cornucopia of festive fruits and flowers to then adorn your wreath with. I loved it all so used a bit of everthing she had on offer. After all, less is definitely not more at Christmas.

Here's my effort, what d'ya think?:

Beacuse I'm not back to work until January, and SMP is a bit pants to be honest, I'm making my family's Christmas pressie this year. Well, apart from the little kids' presents which are more appreciated if they are plastic, expensive or both.

CHRISTMAS PRESENT SPOILER ALERT - FAMILY DO NOT READ ON PLEASE!!!

I'm making massage/moisturising oils with organic sunflower oil from the supermarket, these fabulous blue bottles which become squeezy bottles because when you first screw the cap on it automatically adds a clear plastic top with a hole. It looks very professional, but I'm not sure you can re-use them so may not be good for home use.

Boys will get a 'muscle rub' made by adding orange, ginger and black pepper essential oils from Aromantic and the Soap Kitchen to the sunflower oil base. I'm going to play around with quantities but plan to use a total of 30-50 drops of essential oil to 100ml of base oil.

Girls will get a relaxing, feminine massage oil (can also use as a body moisturiser and bath oil) with a combination of rose, jasmine and ylang ylang essential oils.

I'vbe bought kilner-style jars from Tesco for just over a pound each, and am planning to fill them with homemade chocolate chip cookies, white chocolate and cranberry cookies or bath salts made with equal parts sea salt, epsom salt, bicarb of soda and essential oils to scent.

Maybe lavender and rose for relaxation, mandarin and cinnamon for a warming, Christmassy soak. Again, all ingredients sourced from Aromantic and the Soap Kitchen (although I'm sure you can get them from a supermarket and health food store too).

The other things I'm planning to make are bath melts - so lovely and so easy. The recipe is from The Holistic Beauty Book and you can find it here along with a recipe for a sugar scrub which would also be great in one of those kilner jars.

Finally, I'm planning to do little bags of what I call 'biscuit bites' loosely based on Nigella's Rocky Road Bars. I use the little plastic food bags, pop four or five squares of the biscuit bites inside and secure with curling ribbon. Looks pretty, tastes divine and is super quick and easy to make. Fun to do with your kids.

Are you doing anything homemade this Christmas - presents or decorations? Do share your plans...

I'm British Mummy Blogger of the Week :-)

2010-12-15T14:19:00.000Z

Oh. My. God.

I'm soooo chuffed.

You see, I blog because I enjoy it. Part as a release, part as a record that my family and I can look back on in years to come. Of course, I hope to entertain and inspire my readers too. And I would love to have more readers. Many, many more.

But, I don't spend enough time on promoting my blog (typically marketeer hey?!) to get an impressive number of readers. I'm not high profile in the illustrious ranks of the top Mummy Bloggers - the ones who get book deals and freebies to Disneyland (Florida, not Paris BTW). I wish...

In fact, I marvel at some of the blogs I follow whose readers run to several hundreds - and that's just the readers who follow publically. I must confess to being a teensy bit jealous. OK, let's be honest, completely green eyed.

So, it was a huge surprise and a lovely compliment to be nominated as the British Mummy Blogger of the Week. If not 'fame at last!' then definitely some recognition.

It's confirmed that I'm not just writing for myself, my mum and my close mates. Other (high profile) bloggers and blog readers have noticed me. Yay! It feels good. Really good.

Now where's my trip to Florida?!

P.S. If you read me from time to time please subscribe or follow me publically. It does a girl good to see who she's writing for. Come on and show me some lurrve!! Use those Subscribe and Follow links. Mwaw xxx

Free Organic JASON Products for Adults and Kids!!!

2010-12-15T13:45:00.000Z

By the way, this is NOT a sponsored post. I'm just genuinely excited by this product and the free stuff promo. Sad but true!

I love organic products but my budget doesn't always stretch to them. If I could, I'd only ever use natural organic lotions and potions on my and my family's skin. I'd also only ever feed us organic food. And we would skip through fields of daffodils, singing and laughing as we made our way towards an eternally rising sun...

Back on planet earth (not always as wonderful as Planet Anna, but a good deal less cliched nevertheless), I have been stocking up on my current fave (and very affordable)organic product. Well, it's 95% organic which is good enough for me.

I found JASON Vitamin E oil in my local health food shop and have been using it to help fade my stretchmarks and smooth my little under eye creases for the last three months now.

It's so fabulous it has now replaced my day cream, night cream and eye cream as well as being my 'much better than Bio Oil' anti-wrinkle and anti-stretchmark oil, hand moisturiser and my daughter's favourite steal ("ooh can I have some Mummy? It smells of marzipan!".

Here's a list of a few ways that Vitamin E oil can benefit your skin. It's famed for it's effectiveness in treating scars, stretchmarks and wrinkles. It's also very easily absorbed by the skin.

The stuff I was using is a blend of almond (hence the marzipan smell), apricot, avocado and wheatgerm oils giving 5,000 I.U. of vitamin E. I got 118 ml for around £5.50 and it has lasted me a good three months or so. And I use it a lot.

Imagine my excitement when I found out JASON do a super strength version - delivering 45,000 IU of vitamin E for less than a tenner. OK, so it's half the size (60ml) as the one I was using but you get a lot more bang for your buck. Weirdly, it uses completely different oils: blackcurrant, evening primrose, macadamia nut and borage so it's unlikely to smell of marzipan (no almond oil).

I stocked up on a few of these and as I went to the virtual checkout I noticed that the price of one bottle had automatically been deducted! There's no mention of a discount on the site, but once you've payed it confirms that there is a limited 'cheapest product free' offer at the moment because the website is new.

To celebrate the launch of the new JASON website they’re also currently offering Free Samples to everyone who requests them while stocks last.

All you need to do is email JASON your address to one, or both, of the email addresses below by clicking on the link and they’ll send you some sachets and travel size samples for free. I'm not sure what products you'll get as I've only just sent my emails today.

Children’s samples: juniorsamples@jasonnaturalcare.co.uk

Adult samples: freesamples@jasonnaturalcare.co.uk

Real Postnatal Celeb

2010-12-12T22:52:00.002Z

Thank you Kim Kardashian for speaking out and letting us mere mortal mamas know that celebs have postnatal bellies too. They just get photoshopped out to entice us to buy certain magazines.

Shame on you, OK magazine. Check the before and after photos here

Baby Led Weaning (BLW) - or OMG Look at the F**king Mess!

2010-12-11T06:58:00.008Z

What is Baby Led Weaning?

None of my friends or family would ever use the words 'house proud' and 'Anna' in the same sentence. But even I have blanched in the face of the utter carnage that is Baby Led Weaning (or BLW as it's commonly known).

The principle is sound - skip the purees and go straight to finger food beacuse we're advised to wean babies later now (around six months instead of four) and self-feeding enables them to listen to their own appetite and choose what they want to eat.

With BLW, baby learns to chew before s/he swallows (with traditional spoon feeding it's the other way round), and experiments with a wider range of tastes and textures because BLW experts advise you let baby select their own meal from four or five different finger foods in front of them.

Baby Led Weaning is a method that supports babies in learning to love their food and develop a broader palate than if you choose to wean by what Gill Rapley's Baby Led Weaning book calls 'force feeding' (spoon feeding to us less militant folk).

BLW babies can usually eat the same thing as the rest of the family (without the sugar or salt) from about 7-8 months. So, it's a more sociable way of eating for baby and it's far easier for Mum who doesn't have to rack her brains for interesting puree combinations (sweet potato and blueberries anyone?).

Here are some of the benefits of Baby Led Weaning.

Why is Baby Led Weaning so Messy?

The friend who gave me The BLW book did make a vague reference to the mess. But, I brushed it off as I am no stranger to mess. Hell, this is the woman who has a fridge magnet proudly proclaiming 'A Clean House is a Sign of a Wasted Life'.

With Baby Led Weaning, you let your Precious Angel self-feed. I use the term 'self-feed' loosely. It's actually more akin to a food fight. Really, they're just playing with the food at first. Mushing it onto themselves (Alicia tucked some avocado behind her ear recently though I think she was aiming for her mouth), and spreading it liberally around the table and floor.

Tips for Easier Baby Led Weaning

Like any new experience though it gets easier with time. You develop better coping tactics. We've now abandoned the Tripp-Trapp style high chair (BTW, this highchair is less than half the price and is pretty much the same)and eating straight off the table thing.

It didn't work for us. Everything ended up on the floor within 30 seconds, and the five second rule doesn't really apply in a house where the floor gets mopped once every two months (I'm really not joking. I wish I were).

What works much better is sticking Little Liss in a Bumbo directly on the dining table, putting an array of finger foods onto the Bumbo tray. She was more interested in the bowl and mat than the food when we attempted that little combo).

The beauty of the Bumbo seat is that you can bung it in the (empty) bath and hose it all down with the shower afterwards. Sleeved bibs are another godsend.

Here's a link to some photos in Flickr of Alicia's Baby Led Weaning adventures (I'm having problems uploading photos in Blogger at the moment).

As you can see, I do occassionally give her purees too but I load up the spoon and put it onto the tray so she can self feed. Unlike some other BLW Mums, I don't think purees are the devil's work, especially when you have a hungry baby who won't really get much into her tummy in the first few weeks of Baby Led Weaning.

BLW Key Points

If you fancy giving BLW a try, here's a booklet on the key points. This BLW blog is a good resource too.

Don't get distressed if your baby coughs or gags on the food at first, just let it happen and watch them like a hawk for any signs of choking (although it's very unlikely they will choke).

Gagging generally doesn't upset them, and their gag reflex is a lot farther forward than ours. It's a natural reflex to help them expel food and doesn't mean they're choking(although when I first witnessed it I was convinced that she was).

If a baby chokes they usually don't make a sound beacuse the food is blocking their airway. To give yourself peace of mind, watch this vide on dealing with a choking baby Apparently, choking is more common when a traditionally weaned baby transitions to lumpy purees and food because they have learned to swallow and not chew. BLW babies do it the other way round - master chewing before swallowing.

Recommended First Foods

Although Gill Rapley recommends you try pretty much any food as long as it doesn't have sugar or salt in it (both very, very bad for babies - salt can even kill them), I'm playing it a bit safer and going with my favourite nutritionist's recommendations as outlined in Optimum Nutrition Before, During and After Pregnancy
. I'm also mainly sticking to organic foods as babies and pesticides don't mix very well (I prefer to eat organic myself too when availability and budget allow).

So, until she's nine months Little Liss will be making her way through:
*Vegetables except the nightshade varieties (tomatoes, potatoes, peppers and aubergines)
*Fruits (not citrus)
*Pulses and beans
*Wholefood grains: rice, quinoa, millet and buckwheat

If you aren't bringing up your baby as a veggie then you can also include fish (pref organic, wild or deep sea).

Patrick Holford recommends waiting until nine months to introduce the following:

*Meat & poultry
*Grains that can cause sensitivity ie oats, corn, barley and rye
*Live yoghurt and eggs
*Soya and nightshade vegetables

He also recommends you leave the following until 12 months: citrus fruits, wheat, dairy, nuts and seeds (but with peanuts wait as long as you can and then only organic varieties).

So, there you have it. BLW - makes sense (to me anyway), great fun (especially for baby) but a bit messy at first!

Yule Just Love These!

2010-12-05T13:26:00.002Z

Excuse the appalling pun, couldn't help myself.

We've just been elfing ourselves and urge you to do the same. It's bloody hilarious.

You go to the website, upload some pics of your family - from your PC or via a link from your facebook account - and it will turn you and your loved ones into funky dancing Christmas elves.

You can then post the link to your friends' facebook walls, email the link and/or download the video. It's completely brilliant and makes a great (and free!) alternative to Christmas cards.

You can choose from several different dance styles including eighties, Charleston, Hip Hop and Country & Western. We went for Disco, despite (actually because of) hubby getting all the 'village people' style dance moves. I'm seeing him in a totally new light.

Another cool Yule thing to do is to check out the Portable North Pole site where you can create personalised video messages from Santa for toddlers, older children and grown ups.

It's not just their name that Santa uses, he will also talk about your choice of personalised messages and show their photo in his magical book. It's beautifully done.

We did this for Ella last year and she was totally awestruck. Shame she doesn't believe in him now - I'll just have to be satisfied with my jokey one for J and wait a few years till Little Liss is old enough to enjoy her digital message from the great white bearded one.

Garlic in Her Baby Socks

2010-11-29T22:51:00.002Z

Poor little Liss has had her first heavy cold. She's had snuffles a few times before but this time it was more serious.

We kissed goodbye to sleeping through the night and said a reluctant 'oh, hi again' to waking every two hours to pop a boob in the crying mouth of a restless baby.

After a day of ineffectual faffing around with my mother and baby homeopathy kit, I decided to bring out the big guns. Garlic.

As well as being nature's antibiotic, garlic has powerful antibacterial and antiviral properties. I know that this marvellous member of the onion family works best when eaten raw, but how to get it into my baby?

My aha moment came when flicking through my copy of the excellent Gentle Healing for Baby and Child book which informed me that garlic can be absorbed through the skin so if a child won't take it by mouth you can crush a clove and smear it, with the help of a little olive oil, onto their feet secure it with a gauze bandage and leave (to marinate?) overnight.

So I duly turned my baby into a french cannibal's dream. A dash of olive oil, a crush of fresh garlic et voila un bebe delicieux! With no gauze in sight, I 'double bagged' my precious one with baby socks and then tights over the top to keep the garlic socks in place.

Seeing as Alicia was too ill for us to venture out, and I didn't have Ella so wasn't on school run duty for a few days either, we stayed in the house and Alicia wore garlic socks for two days running.

Boy did she pong, but within eight hours of her first having garlic feet I noticed a marked difference. Her chest sounded looser and she was less distressed. The cold seemed to be breaking, the garlic was doing its job marvellously.

Were I made of sterner stuff, I would have continued the garlic treatment a little longer but once she was over the worst I was keen to switch to a more fragrant remedy. One that I could use in the day too without alarming potential new friends at the mum and baby groups we go to.

My friend Sarada recently gave me a hugely useful and inspiring book on aromatherapy - The Fragrant Pharmacy. It has a section dedicated to babies so I read the advice for coughs and colds in that section and adapted the blend 'recipes' they recommend to suit what oils I already have.

This is the Baby Snuffle Blend I created a few days ago:

10 drops Eucalyptus, 5 drops Tea tree, 10 drops Lavender, 5 drops Thyme.

I put 3 drops into a bowl of hot water and placed that near Alicia's cot at night. I also used 3 drops of this blend in approx 2 teaspoons of sweet almond oil and used it as a chest and back rub three times a day. The oils are widely available in healthfood shops or you could order from the internet - try Neal's Yard.

She's waking only once or twice a night now and is easily settled. Her breathing is much easier. She's still a little chesty but the cough has gone. Oh, and she smells sooo much better now!

The Heartwarming Thanksgiving Christmas Tree

2010-11-22T14:22:00.003Z

Yes, I know I orbited out of the blogosphere for some time. I can't promise it won't happen again and no, I don't have a good reason for my absence. I've been spending plenty of time on the internet but have been in receiving mode rather than transmitting mode.

And my how time has flown. Alicia is now five months old and as cute as a button. Scrub that, as buttons aren't particularly cute. Cute as an ickle fluffy kitten. No, cuter. Like a baby panda bear.

Actually that panda clip is scarily appropriate. I seem to spend the majority of my time sitting around eating while Alicia chills out next to me, all smiles and scrumminess for 90% of the time and then out of the blue becomes what hubby calls a 'sound terrorist'. Bless her.

I've recently started buying the Green Parent Magazine. I love it. It's full of the type of mummies I aspire to be but know I'll never fully become...

Natural earth mothers raising wholesome, home-schooled vegan children (at least four or five of them). Baking tasty yet nutritious treats whilst wearing the baby and leading the whole family into wonderful, inspiring craft projects.

Actually, to give me my dues I do bake once or twice a week. But I realised that it's been a while since I did any crafts with Ella and one idea in this month's issue really appealed to me: creating a Thanksgiving Tree.

It was great timing as I'd already been thinking of making a tree-to-display-on-the-wall to compensate for our lack of fir tree this year. We have to do without the because my new nursing chair is now occupying the only spot in our tyeeny tiny house where a Christmas tree could possibly go.

The Green Parent suggests creating a family project-cum-ritual in homage to the American harvest festival-style celebration of Thanksgiving.

You create a tree cutout and get each family member to trace their handprints on coloured card and cut out to form the leaves of the tree. Each person then writes things they are grateful for onto their 'leaves' and decorates the paper tree. Aha I thought, with a minor adaptation that could become our paper Christmas tree. And what a nice activity to balance out the rampant consumerism that drives the season of goodwill.

After a nice roast dinner with friends (followed by my first ever pumpkin pie!), Ella and I cut a large Christmas tree shape out of gold wrapping paper and set to making paper shapes to decorate it with - handprints, baubles, holly etc all of which we inscribed with things we are grateful for. Mid-activity, Ella said "it's nice to be able to do this sort of thing with people you trust. It's nice to share our feelings." Hear hear.

We even traced Alicia's handprint and wrote 'milk' on it after also considering 'playgym' and 'cuddles'. J was busy with Alicia for most of the activity so he told us a few things to write on his behalf (one of which was my cooking. Aww!).

Due to lack of blu-tack, the Thanksgiving/Christmas tree and decorations aren't yet up on the wall. Ella's now with her dad for a few days so we'll finish the activity when she's back and post a piccie of the result. Be warned - I'm not that artistic!

The activity was a heart-warming, wonderfully bonding thing to do. I so enjoyed sprinkling the lounge floor with glitter that I've decided we should also make all of our Christmas decorations this year.

LATER NOTE: Here's our tree

Alicia's Naming Ceremony

2010-09-09T13:54:00.003+01:00

As I promised in the last post, here is the ceremony in full.

How cute is Ella's pledge?!

(ANNA)What is a naming ceremony?
Thank you for coming to this naming ceremony. A naming ceremony’s purpose is to officially give a baby their name and welcome them into the world. It is a non-religious christening. Today we celebrate the birth of Alicia, and welcome her into her community of family, godparents and our close friends.

Across the world ceremonies or rituals are used to define the more important stages of our lives. From these celebrations are born new roles, new relationships and new responsibilities.

For you all, as family and close friends this ceremony is an opportunity to consider the relationship that you will have with Alicia, and the role that you want to take in her upbringing.

Julia Moulton’s Reading
This reading is adapted from an American Indian Naming Ceremony:

Alicia Lily Higgs, born of two hearts
You are grace
You are beauty
You are love beyond measure
And gift without price

We are gathered this day
To introduce you to your greater family,
And to bless you, before the world
Even as we have been blessed by your birth!

We offer you to the Four Winds
That you might embrace adventure
And know the wonder of far-off lands

We offer you to the Sky
That you may steer by the stars
And never feel that you are far from home

We offer you to the Sun
That warmth and light may surround you always
And guide you safely on your way

We offer you to the Moon
That you may find comfort in darkness
And never have cause to fear the night

(ANNA) Alicia’s Name
Alicia is the Spanish form of Alice. This acknowledges John’s Spanish roots, and my side of the family as my grandmother was called Alice. We’ve chosen the english pronounciation Alicia instead of the Spanish a-LEE-thya.

Her middle name is Lily because it’s one of my favourite flowers and her sister Ella also has a fragrant flower as her middle name (Jasmin)

Alicia means NOBLE person. Dictionary defines noble as:

A person of high birth or rank (well she’s definitely our little princess)

Being very impressive or imposing in appearance (which she is with her bright blue eyes and amazing mop of hair!)

Having excellent qualities or abilities and an exemplary moral character (We will do our best to instill good values in her .We have chosen godparents who we think can inspire her with certain excellent qualities)

(JOHN) Being a Godparent
In children's stories, a fairy godmother makes an appearance just when she's needed most. With the wave of a wand, she can make everything right. Godparents might not have a magic wand, but their role in a child's life can have a magical effect.
It is said that the biggest gift a Godparent can give their Godchild is time.

We have chosen godparents who we think will be interested in Alicia and willing to get involved in her life. But we recognise that the role of godparent is theirs to make of what they will, and so we are asking each godparent today to make their own personal commitment, a pledge, to Alicia.

Godparents Introduction and Pledges

John’s Choices
I’ve chosen Julie for her strong sense of morality, her generosity and her strength in times of need. Most of all for her heart of gold. I’ve also chosen her partner Paul (known as Charlie to his friends) for his spirit of adventure and his drive to achieve his aspirations. And for his interest in culture, music and travel which I hope he will inspire Alicia with.

Julie and Charlie what is your pledge to Alicia?
We promise to use our experience of life to enhance your development. We also agree to be supportive whenever and wherever possible to help you fulfil your dreams.

I’ve chosen Paul for his gentleness, loyalty and sincerity. He is very charming in company and I hope he can pass this quality to Alicia.

Paul, what is your pledge to Alicia?
I promise to extend my friendship with John & Anna to you, their daughter. If you need someone to turn or talk to, I promise my door will always be open, and I will always listen.

I’ve chosen Selina for her caring nature, infectious laughter, enthusiasm for life and being a great confidante – which I’m sure she will be for Alicia.

Selina, what is your pledge to Alicia?
I promise to love, support, listen and encourage you. I promise to always be your friend, and will enjoy being a part of your life, watching you grow up, and find your way in the world.

Anna’s Choices
I’ve chosen Anna because she is my oldest and most loyal friend, and in the 23 years I’ve known her I’ve never heard her say a bad word about anyone. She never judges and she never complains, and she is a brilliant listener – qualities that will make her a great godparent to Alicia. I’ve also chosen Rob, Anna’s husband, because together they are raising their children in a way I completely agree with – in love and kindness but also with firm boundaries.

Anna and Rob, what is your pledge to Alicia?
We promise to encourage and praise you, give you the confidence to be you and express yourself. We will always believe in you. We promise to always be there for you, always listen to you and we will never judge you.

I’ve chosen Sarada because she is my oldest and one of my most treasured friends. She helped me immensely during Alicia’s birth, giving both me and John support and encouragement throughout. She is hugely generous with her time despite her busy life. She is strong, warm and loving and lots of fun and she has always given me excellent advice when I’ve needed it. I know she will be happy to do the same for Alicia, and will always welcome her with open arms – oh, and Sarada’s a great veggie cook so I’m sure Alicia will also appreciate that as much as I do!

Sarada, what is your pledge to Alicia?
My dear Alicia - what an honour to be chosen as your godparent! I promise to do my best to be whatever you need me to be - a shoulder to cry on, someone you can turn to for advice, someone to laugh and have fun with and definitely someone to feed you! I promise to help you find the strength and truth that lies within you to guide you on your journey through life. And I will love you with all my heart.

(JOHN) John and Anna’s Pledge
Thank you all for agreeing to be godparents to Alicia. She’s a lucky girl to have your support throughout her life. Alicia, we promise to be the best parents we can be, to love you and listen to you, to guide you and encourage you always. We want to help you enjoy your life, and to have the confidence to do whatever interests and inspires you.

(ELLA) Ella’s Pledge
Alicia I promise to care for you and play with you, and be a wonderful sister. I love you to bits and I always will.

(JOHN) (John’s Reading) They say that:
A baby will make love stronger
Days shorter, Nights longer
Bankroll smaller, Clothes shabbier, Home happier,
The past forgotten,
And the future worth living for.

(ANNA) (Anna’s Reading) The following poem seems very fitting. It manages to encapsulate my attitude towards child rearing and to housework as well!
A Mothers Wish

I hope my child looks back on today
And sees a Mother who had time to play.
There will be years for cleaning and cooking,
But children grow up when you're not looking.
Tomorrow I'll do all the chores you can mention
But today, my baby needs time and attention.
So settle down cobwebs, dust go to sleep,
I'm cuddling my baby, and babies don't keep.

(JOHN) I’d like to propose a toast to Alicia Lily Higgs – may she have a fabulous life full of love and adventure. To Alicia Lily.
You now have the opportunity to take photos and then we’ll go to the Bunkfest - please join us for a little while but do feel free to wander off whenever you feel like it as there’s lots going on and we will be easy to find throughout the day – we’ll mainly be in the Kinecroft area.
Thank you all for coming.
Photo session then celebration at Bunkfest

Naming Ceremony

2010-09-09T13:33:00.003+01:00

On Saturday we had a lovely do-it-yourself naming ceremony for Alicia. It was a perfect day.

We went to Wallingford Castle grounds with some champagne and around 30 people - mainly family and godparents with a few close friends. We'd asked the godparents to make a commitment to Alicia, a special pledge, and to write this in a special book for when she's older. We asked that the book was something that had meaning for them or had inspired them.

To the guests who wanted to bring something as a gift, we suggested they write a letter to Alicia which she can open on a milestone birthday - either 10,18 or 21.

The sun shone, the ceremony was heartfelt, and everyone enjoyed the Wallingford Bunkfest afterwards. I missed out on most of the fabulous entertainment as I was happy to just sit in the sunshine next to the donkeys and goats (who you could brush for £2) and chat to the guests whilst Alicia slept off the excitement of her Big Day.

I've never been to a naming ceremony before and there wasn't much inspiration on the internet so the next post is the naming ceremony in full in case you - or someone you know - are planning one too.

Oh, and I used a template from here to create a flyer with the readings, pledges and photos of Alicia as an 'order of service' and keepsake.

Status Anxiety

2010-09-02T21:10:00.005+01:00

Since we got back from camping in the New Forest, where Ella roamed in relative freedom with other people's kids, I've let Ella off the leash a little. She's pretty sensible and road safety aware so she's now allowed to cycle unsupervised around the few streets that make up our neighbourhood.

She gets a taste of freedom, I get a break and everyone's happy.

The other day she made a friend while out on her bike. Ella doesn't go to school in the village so it's a wonderful thing that she has a new play mate living just seconds away from us. She returned home with a phone number, written on a scrap of paper by the girl's mother, and a verbal invitation to play at their house the next morning.

I was so pleased for her that I called her dad to alter our childcare agreement (he was due to have her that day). I called the mother and found myself rushing into waffle mode in an attempt to prove I'm not a negligent mother. I mean, who else lets their seven year old out alone nowadays?

After gushing about Ella's 'just down the street for ten minutes' boundaries, my having a new baby and Ella needing to do play outside when I'm busy with said baby and she's bored etc etc I eventually paused for breath and New Friend's Mother (NFM) invited me to drop Ella off and stay for a coffee. Lovely.

The next day, I discovered NFM has a HUGE house with a swimming pool and zip wire for the kids to play on. What a result for Ella!

While having tea with NFM, who seems very nice, and her neighbour who had popped round (also very nice) NFM's father-in-law appeared and was introduced to me as "Lord So-and-So". Actually, she said his first name but I've substitituted So-and-So in respect of his privacy.

Now, I've been to boarding school with a Right Honourable so I'm not phased by aristos but I got to thinking that my lower social status might be a barrier to Ella's burgeoning friendship.

I'm sure NFM doesn't expect her daughter to hang out solely with the progeny of nobility, but I suddenly felt acutely aware of the class divide and anxious that I would be found out and promptly discarded along with my daughter.

You see, I still retain a vaguely posh boarding school accent. My parents, a teacher and a retired Army Major, are stoically middle class. The majority of parents at Ella's state school think I'm posh (in the main, they don't 'speak proper like I does' despite living in Henley and they're mainly blue collar workers or can't be arsed to work). It could be misleading to someone I've just met.

However, I'm married to a plumber, I live in low rent accommodation (albeit in a very posh area) and my approach to housework is lax on a good day and fairly shocking the rest of the time.

Also, thanks to her peer group, Ella now says 'fanks' instead of 'thanks', regularly drops her Ts, favours the word 'innit' and has stopped calling me 'mummy' in favour of 'mum'. I may have slipped down the ranks somewhat since leaving school.

So, during tea with NFM I became concerned that Ella and I may soon be deemed to be decidedly NOCD ( a deplorable yet strangely amusing phrase used by Army officers' wives when assessing new aquaintances, their child's new boyfriend/girlfriend etc meaning 'Not Our Class Darling' - and by implication not to be associated with).

NFM asked that I pick Ella up from her play date slap bang in the middle of Alicia's nap time. Because Alicia, and of course I, had suffered an unusually early start that morning I explained how keen I was to stay at home so Little Liss could have her full nap so please could she send Ella home at noon.

Suspiciously, to me anyway, she offered to drop Ella off instead (it's less than a minute's walk to my house). I casually breezed 'no need to worry, I am happy for Ella to make her own way back' whilst secretly cringeing at the current disarray of my home and garden.

Unfortunately, NFM ignored my preference and turned up at my teeny tiny two bedroom bungalow with her kids and Ella.

Thank god they didn't come to the door but, horrendously, they lingered by the gate - gazing in wide eyed surprise/horror at the knee high grass on my lawn (we've been away for godsake and busy, um, very, very busy), John's white van parked outside and the rolls of old carpet dumped in next door's garden (they're in the middle of redecorating).

To quote that floppy haired chap in Four Weddings and a Funeral Oh f*ck. F*ckity f*ckity f*ck.

On the bright side, J has now mowed the lawn in a fit of shame and I have taken to sweeping the floors once a day (it used to be once a fortnight) - and am contemplating mopping them in the near future. Once I figure out where we keep the mop...

My Girl's Seven!

2010-07-31T19:01:00.008+01:00

On 19th July my darling eldest daughter turned seven. It's such a cliche but I can't believe how quickly she has grown up. I guess if cliches weren't so true and relevant they wouldn't be cliches as no one would say them.

She is such a kind, loving, intelligent, funny, beautiful girl. She makes my heart swell with pride.

Els had a birthday treat with me on Sunday (the day before her birthday). - pony riding at a lovely equestrian centre in Checkendon

and then three of her best gal pals over for junk food and birthday cake.

I couldn't face an actual party due to having a newborn to care for plus the fact that J had a lad's night out in London and wouldn't be around to help until noon. Anyhow, she didn't seem to mind that the celebrations were fairly low key this year.

I nearly made a hash of Nigella's Victoria Sponge recipe (oven too hot) but managed to disguise the obverly brown crust with pink buttercream icing and jelly sweets. The cake was a big hit thank god!

She opened her pressies on Monday (her birthday) before school and then her dad took her and a few friends to the Build a Bear shop in the Oracle. There are distinct advantages in having two families (two birthday celebrations, two Christmasses!).

Birthing Alicia

2010-07-26T22:40:00.011+01:00

Hmm, my newborn is now five, nearly six, weeks old and although I've visualised myself many times blogging about her birth - and other events of the last few weeks - I haven't quite managed to act. Shame, as I've now told the story so many times I am no longer gagging to give a blow-by-blow account. However, I do want to record at least an outline of the day, or rather dayS plural, for posterity. So here goes...

I got the birth I'd hoped for. It was a lot longer than I'd imagined but I kept calm throughout, apart from a slightly panicky/'I want to give up' 20 mins towards the end (when I was probably in transition). I also dealt with the pain incredibly well considering a) it bloody hurt way more than I remembered b) I had a LOT of strong contractions over a 27 hour period - although, insultingly, I was only in 'established labour' for 10 hours c) if I stub my toe the whole world knows about it - I would consider my pain threshold to be fairly low.

Yes, not even a toot of gas and air passed my lips. Well, not till afterwards when my nether regions got aquainted with needle and thread. I put this down to the hypnobirthing course and CDs helping me to be relaxed and to deal with the pain without fear, the wonderful nurturing warmth of the birthing pool, and the amazing support of lovely hubby J and fab friend and birthing partner Sarada.

Oh, and I found that blowing on the outbreath, mooing and making low, loud 'ooooh, aahh, eeh' noises helped me cope through the contractions. Unfortunately, my voice is still not quite back to normal as I was quite vocal throughout the 27+ hours and had only just recovered from a rather persistent cold so my poor ole vocal chords took quite a bashing.

The contractions were all in my back and greatly soothed by massage, heat packs and encouraging words. Thankfully, I had a wonderful sense of time distortion which meant my one minute contractions felt like ten seconds and the two or three minute pauses in between became twenty minute rest breaks, so much so that I even fell asleep during them!

J had really set up the sitting room beautifully. He'd cleared some of the furniture to the garden shed to create space, covered the floor with cotton sheets on top of plastic sheeting, set up 12 hours of chillout music on the Ipod (which we had to replay!), inflated and filled the pool, dimmed the lights and had Roman Chamomile essential oil burning in the oil burner. Deeply relaxing.

I was often encouraged by Mary the midwife to get out of the pool and walk around to speed things up (hah!) but much preferred languishing in the warm water and trancing out in my liquid labourland. Around 3am on Thursday morning (17th June, my niece Sulis's birthday) I got out and went to the bedroom, doubled over cushions on the bed and was massaged and soothed by John through a particularly painful set of contractions. Then - at last! - my waters went with a 'pop' and I got back in the pool hugely encouraged by this sign of progress.

A few hours later I was pushing with all my might, contrary to my birth plan and the hypnobirthing exortation to 'breathe your baby out'. No way Jose. I wanted to PUSH and had no faith that breathing would get my little lady to make her entrance into the world. So push I did, and I was surprised to find that this stage was completely pain free and actually quite satisfying. I didn't even experience the 'ring of fire', just a mild stinging sensation as she crowned.

Reaching down to feel her head was a beautiful moment. I was excited and relieved that it would all be over soon. As it turned out, not as soon as I'd have liked. I was pushing hard for about an hour and Alicia was half way out with just her head and shoulders in the water for ages. Luckily, I'd watched quite a few water births on You Tube and knew that babies could hang around in the water for ages without their being any risk of drowning - they don't breathe until they're immersed in air.

So, there I was with my baby half in and half out for quite some time. I started to lose fiath that she would come out at all and in desperation asked 'can someone please just pull her out. I can't do this any more'. Mary asked me to stand up and both midwives helped me out of the pool, as I scissored my legs over the sides the rest of Alicia slid out in a gush and Mary caught her and passed her to me. My slippery little baby! I clung to her and just thought 'thank god she's finally here'.

I looked up into J's eyes and saw..abject fear. Not quite what I was expecting. I noticed the midwives' eyes had also widened in surprise and seconds later I found out why. Mary said, 'Anna, we may have to take you into hospital, you've lost more blood than we would like.' Oh, so that was the gush then. Not actually a gush but a haemorrhage. I had my baby in my arms was still in the floaty world of labourland so this turn of events didn't bother me in the slightest. J however was clearly shocked.

A quick injection in my shaking leg to help clot the blood and I was allowed to stay at home. Yay! Here we are a few minutes later...

A job well done by all!

See my previous post for pictures of Alicia looking distinctly less blue..

Alicia Lily

2010-07-04T15:13:00.011+01:00

My gorgeous daughter, Alicia Lily Higgs, was born at 6am on 17th June at home into water. More about the birth later (it went well, no pain relief thanks to hypnobirthing and the support of my fab birth companions John and Sarada - but it was tough at times and took bloody ages!).

Here are some photos of our little angel...

with big sister Ella...

with mummy and daddy...

milk drunk...

Birth Plan

2010-06-15T13:28:00.003+01:00

What with a strong urge to hibernate, even though I'm sleeping better at night now, and an increase in period-like twinges I think Alicia may make an appearance before the weekend.

I can't wait to meet her!

Once she's here (and I'm compos mentis enough to write a post) I thought it would be interesting to compare my hopes for the birth with the reality. So, here's my birth plan:

BIRTH PREFERENCES FOR ANNA HIGGS

GENERAL
I have SPD (Pelvic Girdle Pain), and cannot open my legs wider than hip width without discomfort.
Ideally, I plan to have a water birth at home with either no or minimal pain relief e.g. gas and air.
I have been preparing for birth with the Natal Hypnotherapy CD and ask that you use the term ‘surges’ instead of contractions and refrain from discussing pain, hurt or time predictions (ie how long I will take) as I would prefer to listen to my body and not feel under pressure to perform.
Please don’t offer medication or labour enhancing procedures unless requested or there is a danger to myself or the baby. If you think intervention is necessary, please give us half an hour to ourselves to make a decision. Please explain: How it will be helpful. What the risks are. Why you think it must be done now. What might happen if we wait another hour. What the advantages and disadvantages are. This may be a routine procedure, but please explain what other approaches there are.

FIRST STAGE
No artificial rupture of membranes. Minimal vaginal examinations – avoiding lithotomy position due to SPD.
Labour to be allowed to take its natural course without reference to ‘moving things along’ or ‘augmenting labour’. In the event of a slow/resting labour I prefer to use natural oxytocinon stimulation and to have the privacy to do so.
Encouragement to drink regularly and go to the toilet.
Please keep conversation to a minimum and where possible direct questions to my husband (especially in the more serious parts of labour) so I can focus on maintaining a calm, relaxed state. I would prefer no trivial conversation so that I can focus on birthing.
My birthing environment to have dimmed lighting, soft music and hypnobirthing CDs playing.
Minimal, intermittent hand monitoring. Help me avoid feeling observed, keeping my birthing environment calm and private with minimal people, talking and monitoring.
Encourage me to breathe quietly and rhythmically through each surge (contraction), with a long exhalation through the mouth.
Slowly say the words ‘3..2..1..relax Anna’ I have heard this so many times on the natal
hypnotherapy CD and it will trigger me to relax and breathe deeply, facilitating an easier birth.
If I request pain relief, initially please take this as a request for more emotional support and encourage me instead e.g. ‘you’re doing really well’, ‘the surge will be over soon and then you can rest’, ‘you’re strong, you can do this’ etc. If I continue to ask for pain relief despite your emotional support and encouragement, I would prefer to have gas and air and for you and/or my husband to help coach me with breathing (slow and rhythmic breathing, longer outbreaths) and massage. If I
request stronger pain relief then a minimal dose of pethidine to be administered.
I would like the freedom to have the pool temperature regulated to my own comfort, and for you to encourage me to leave and re-enter the pool in the first stage of labour as and when I wish. However, I am happy for you to check both the temperature of the water and my temperature, to make sure that I remain comfortable.

DURING BIRTHING
Again, during transition I would appreciate any additional encouragement and emotional support you can give me – reassurance that the baby’s nearly here, I’m doing well etc.
I would like to remain in the pool for waterbirthing. Please do not coach me to push as I will be using mother-directed breathing to allow the natural expulsive pulsations of the body to help the baby descend. I think I will prefer to give birth in a supported kneeling position or on all fours.
Please encourage me to reach down to feel my baby’s head when crowning.
I welcome any help/coaching you can give to ensure my perineum remains intact. Episiotomy only if necessary and use of anaesthetic for this procedure.

FOLLOWING BIRTHING
Immediate skin-to-skin contact with baby placed on my stomach or chest. No wrapping of baby.
Father to place his hand on baby’s back under warming blanket. Baby to remain with me in the pool for an hour before weighing etc. Encourage me to get baby to suckle a few times to assist with natural placenta delivery.
Cord to be clamped only after pulsation has stopped. Father to cut cord.
Allow vernix to be absorbed into baby’s skin – delay ‘cleaning or rubbing’.
No vitamin K orally or by injection.

Elephant Feet

2010-06-08T12:36:00.003+01:00

My feet and ankles have really puffed up in the last few days. On Friday, when it was really hot, I looked as if I had elephantitis! Thank god for my Bite flip flops - they have adjustable uppers which have saved me from being completely housebound. There's no way I could cram my feet into anything else at the moment.

I've been having insomnia at night and craving naps in the day. Now that half term is over I fully intend to embrace my new nocturnalism when necessary. Bless her, Ella was a star yesterday. She had an Inset day so was at home with me. I had hardly slept the previous night and was dead on my feet.

She plonked herself in front of the TV and said she didn't mind have a relaxing day, let me snooze on the sofa and even brought me a drink. Such a sweetie! It was only when her dad came to collect her after 3pm I realised that all we'd had for lunch was a bowl each of natural yoghurt and blueberries (made by Ella). Oops! I'm sure he'd have given her a hearty dinner.

Only a few days to go until my due date. I look fit to burst, although I think Alicia may make her grand appearance closer to father's day (20th) than her due date (10th). For the moment, I'm content to potter round the house, enjoy the sunshine and calmly wait. I would love it if she proves me wrong though!

Bella May

2010-06-03T19:53:00.008+01:00

I have a new niece!

Bella Mae Holford finally popped out two weeks after her due date on 31st May. I am so proud of Jules because she managed to avoid intervention and stuck with just gas and air despite a fairly long labour and some complications such as meconium in the water. She stuck to her guns and insisted on being left to it as much as possible, and finally got the natural birth she deserves.

Here's Bella with big sister Sulis:

and with Granny (my sister, Jules, in the background):

snoozing in the garden:

having a cuddle with mum:

Like me, Jules' first birthing experience was fairly medicalised and scary. I have faith that I can have a similarly satisfying experience second time around. I'm much better prepared this time, having done a hypnobirthing course with John and diligently listening to the hypnobirthing and natal hypnotherapy CD which prepares you mentally for being able to cope well with birth - Jules listened to it too and really thinks it helped.

I prefer the natal hypnotherapy CD as the affirmations make sense to me, it encourages me to practice my breathing (long outbreath, in through the nose and out through the mouth) and the guided beach meditation is so relaxing that I usually end up snoozing through it (luckily it still works if you're asleep!).

I've also read a few books which have convinced me that childbirth doesn't have to be an ordeal:
Childbirth without Fear,
Hypnobirthing
Birthing from Within

These books have also equipped me with the confidence to recognise when certain medical interventions are unnecessary and how to refuse procedures when appropriate to avoid the 'cycle of intervention' (when one medical procedure leads to another and another..increasing the risk of forceps or caesaraean delivery which could have been avoided). They aren't dogmatic though, and I realise that certain procedures in specificn situations may well be helpful. So I will go into boirth with an open mind...

I'm crossing my fingers that Alicia Lily is more punctual than her cousin. I'm due in a week and I'm so keen to meet her. To avoid Jules' agonising, frustrating wait for her new baby I'm telling myself and others that "My due date is 10th June so I'm expecting to drop any time from 10th to 24th June". Or when I'm feeling particularly laissez-faire "I'm due sometime this month".

I'm so keen to meet Bella but unsure about making the 3-4 hour roundtrip when so heavily pregnant. I popped into Reading today, a 20 minute drive away, got measured for a nursing bra, went into H&M for some cute (and brilliantly cheap) baby clothes, stopped for a drink at a cafe and then drove back home. I was completely knackered after that. My SPD/Pelvic Girdle Pain really kicked in during my gentle waddle through the Oracle - despite wearing my tubigrip - so I'm now staggering about the house like an old granny.

Luckily, my lovely sister has told me to stay put this weekend and that they'll come and visit me in a few weeks' time to show off Bella and meet Alicia.

Things You May Not Know About Me

2010-04-26T09:26:00.006+01:00

Hari at Thank you for the days has tagged me with 'I bet you didn't know..'. I need to write a list of things you may not know about me. OK, brace yourselves. Here goes...

1. I once jumped 10,000 feet out of a perfectly good Cessna with a fifteen stone man strapped to my back

2. One of the things I'm most proud of is that I started my own free festival, Come Together, in my beloved home town of Henley-on-Thames. People said it couldn't be done, so I did it with no prior experience and no cash - just a vision of providing 'fun for free' for all the different types of people in the area (rich, poor, young, old) and a willing bunch of friends who helped get it off the ground.

It ran for 5 years as a self-funded event, we didn't make any money from it (purposely) and attracted thousands of revellers - one year I even spotted Led Zeppelin's Jimmy Page and Robert Plant in the crowd.

3. I appeared on Blockbusters aged seventeen. I wore my Slayer T-shirt (thrash metal band) and had my nose pierced and my hair was dyed black. I was paired with another girl from my school who wore a jumper with a picture of a sheep on it. I would dearly love to still own a copy of that show. We must have looked a picture ;-)

4. I once saved a little boy's life. I was eight years old and noticed the boy walking down steps into a pool. I looked for his parents as I had a funny feeling that something bad was going to happen. They were canoodling in the shallow end nearby but not paying any attention. In seconds, the boy was floating towards me, unmoving, face down in the water. I picked him up, put him back on the step and patted his mum on the back and pointed at her crying son. I didn't tell anyone exactly what had happened as I was worried they wouldn't believe me and would somehow think it had been my fault.

5. I was chased by a baby giraffe and hid in someone's house to get away from it (they were out, so my mum told me off afterwards. But what was I to do?). It was terrifying. I was living on a small game reserve in Zimbabwe at the time BTW. Oh, and we didn't go to school or have any home schooling for six months. Just played and had adventures all day. It was bliss.

6. I went to boarding school from the age of ten, when I had to fly from Germany to the UK with just my little brother for company (with a bit of help from a volunteer lady who escorted minors onto planes). I LOVED boarding school.

7. When I was thirteen, I got suspended from school for a month. A week after my return, I got expelled. I wasn't sorry. It was a Roman Catholic school and we had to say 'Hail Mary' twice a day by the statue of the Virgin Mary amnd go to a full mass once a week whatever our religious beliefs or lack therof. The school was run by misogynistic jesuits. The headmaster used to be a millionaire and had given it all up to become a priest. He was an alcoholic and used to wander around the school pissed with a harris hawk on his shoulder (yes, a real live one)

8. In my twenties I achieved Size Eight status. It was marvellous and I still had boobs. ..

9. I was once hypnotised in Reading train station against my will. Really.

10. I smoked pot every day for over fifteen years. At one point I was such a pot head that I would have a spliff as soon as I'd woken up - before my morning cup of tea. Even on a working day. Actually, that's a lie - it wasn't a spliff it was a huge bong. After years of trying, I finally kicked the habit thanks to Patrick Holford's fabulous book How to Quit Without Feeling S**t which covers every addiction from sugar through to heroin.

11. I have lived, and loved, in Henley for nearly twenty years. Once, I was in my local pub with a girl friend when she asked 'Is it just me, or is this pub full of your ex-boyfriends?'. On closer inspection of the 12 or so punters, I discovered that I had indeed dated EVERYONE in the pub.

12. I have nice straight teeth. This wasn't always the case. I had years of train track braces and horrendous-looking orthodontic headgear which I only wore at night depsite my dentist's advice to the contrary. No way was I wearing that in front of boys!

13. I used to speak French quite well and could watch French films without subtitles and understand them (sadly this is no longer the case). I also used to study Latin and nearly did it for GCSE.

14. I am a course/workshop junkie. I love trying new things. Workshops/courses I have done include: djembe hand drumming, yoga, tai chi, jewellery making, salsa, ceroc, krump, bellydancing, massage, Reiki, Pranic healing, shiatsu...

15. I used to be a keen chorister at school and achieved Grade 5 RSA singing. I would have gone to Grade 8 but I couldn't get my head around music theory as I didn't play an instrument at the time. I've sung solo in front of hundreds of people.

16. I am a PADI Rescue Diver and have scuba dived with sharks (small reef ones mind you, I'm not that brave) and dived shipwrecks in UK, Wales and the Red Sea.

17. I declined my school's recommendation that I sit the Oxbridge exams (admissions for Oxford and Cambridge universities) when I found out how much work would be involved (lots. I never ended up going to university, instead choosing to be a waitress live a life of hedonism for three years (not much different from going to Uni then).

18. Before I die I would like to: go whale watching, see the Northern Lights, become a better mother, wife and friend, make a difference.

Baby Shower and Water Birth

2010-04-25T10:07:00.003+01:00

Photo Credit: rouvelee

I got together with some of my favourite fabulous females yesterday who threw a Baby Shower (my first!) for me. The sun shone, we ate Greek Meze al fresco and spent a relaxing afternoon in each other's company.

I always feel that girlie gatherings are particularly good for the soul. They remind me how lucky I am to have such kind, caring, interesting people in my life.

The impending arrival (only 6 weeks to go!) of Alicia Lily (yes, we have decided on a name. And it's pronounced 'alisseeya' not 'aleesha' BTW) was celebrated in style and both she and I were truly spoiled with lovely gifts including a Wilkinet baby carrier.

Wilkinets supposedly take a bit of getting used to at first as there's a special way to tie them, but they come highly recommended from several friends for their versatility and comfort for mum/dad and baby. Plus they hold the baby in an optimum position for their spine, as well as taking the weight off your own shoulders and back. I'm looking forward to practising my tying technique with El's Baby Annabel!

I start my maternity leave on 10th June - 4 weeks before my due date. I was intending to work till 2 weeks before, but am finding my memory and concentration dwindling and my thoughts turning more and more to babies, stuff I need to by for baby, things I need to do before baby arrives etc.

After a good hour (or more) of idle surfing the other day I'd nearly talked myself into buying one of these instead of a moses basket. As fab as they sound, I figure that I'd be making a rod for my own back though if Alicia has 6-9 months of being able to rock herself to sleep I can't imagine how nightmarish the transition to a cot would be.

My usually eclectic mix of books 'on the go' (I often flit between 3 or 4 fiction and non-fiction books on various subjects in the same month until I've finished them all, then don't read for a week or so and then repeat the process) has now been reduced to Secrets of the Baby Whisperer and Gentle First Year. I love the approach of both, they're quite inspiring.

I'm particularly keen on Gentle First Year's recommendation to get your partner to massage you daily with Rose oil for four weeks post partum (to stave off the 'baby blues' and promote healing), after which you can take over the job yourself. Hmm. As lovely as he is, I am hard pushed to get even a five minute foot rub off J more than once a month.

I'm being a good girl and listening to my natal hypnotherapy CD pretty much every day which is making me feel optimistic that this time my birthing experience can be calm, powerful and within my pain threshold. I was pretty shaken after Ella's birth and felt quite cheated that I had been induced and not supported to 'do it properly' (my feelings at the time, not now).

Thanks to some 'healing past birth trauma' work with my hypnotherapist friend Hari - writer of the hilarious blog Thank you for the Days - a great hypnobirthing course which has also really given J confidence that he can support me in labour and, of course, the CD I just mentioned I'm hopeful that I will have the relaxed water birth at home that I would really love.

Check out these testimonials if you're sceptical that birth can be satisying and not agonising. Oh, and cross your fingers for me please!

Gratuitous Bump Shot:

Powims

2010-03-01T20:19:00.003Z

Photo credit: cattycamehome

Ella is always writing cute notes - to me, to John, to herself. Usually about how much she loves us, often a request for food or TV.

The other morning, on seeing the note to John from Ella asking him to make her porridge despite his having to rush to work in the mornings (he made it for her before I got out of bed at 7 - even though she doesn't usually eat brekkie that early) I thought I'd write a note for her:

Ella is pretty and kind
and fun and lovely xxx

So she wrote one back to me:

mum is butifal
and fun kind pashant (patient)
and dus never get to
angry that much I love my mummy
I love you xxxxxxx

Then she suggested we write one together for John:

John is handsome (me)
and fun and very kind (both)
and kind wen he's abot to go he helps me (El)
and he gives great hugs (me)

Then Els wrote one about all of us. By this time she had written at the top of the paper: Powims.

We are all happy and playful
we are all loveing and gentle
and kind we are
all peasefall and
understanding

Cute.

I cut them out and they're all on my fridge, making me smile ten times or more a day.

Juggling Baby, Money, Time and Happiness

2010-02-15T15:31:00.003Z

photo credit: The Kit and the Cub

I've just worked out that my total maternity leave 'income' after I have my baby in June will be around £600/month! Hmm, that'll just about cover our Tescos trips and running my car then ;-)

Of course, hubby will be contributing on top of the government's handouts (my £600 of self-employed person's statutory maternity pay, child tax credit and child benefit) but we only just seem to manage on our joint finances as it is. Aargh!

Someone I know is taking a whole year off for maternity leave and has the first 6 months on full pay and the remaining 6 months on half pay...

Jealous? Moi?!

I'm fretting a little as I really want to spend some quality time with my new baby, but I'm aware as an equal breadwinner I will need to contribute to the family finances much, much sooner than a year after giving birth.

And that first year with Ella was one of the most special, blissful times of my life. I don't want to muddy my last ever experience of My Baby's First Year with stress about money, childcare, deadlines etc

I hope it all works out for us, I know these things usually do. I'm considering working two hours a day while the baby has her afternoon nap when she's somewhere between three to six months old (depending on my bank balance, her sleeping through the night and my sanity levels at the time). Then, putting her in daycare or at a childminder's for 1.5-2.5 days a week when she's one year old and I'm more emotionally equipped to 'give her away'. See, I've sorted it out already but I'm still not sure if that's the right plan to achieve maximum happiness and fulfilment. Which is the only goal worth having in my book.

Sometimes I fantasise about being a 1950s housewife and being able to 'just' be a mum. I tried that with my first baby though, and ended up going back to work after 18 months (instead of the four or five years I originally intended!) as I realised I need more of a balance (and more stimulation) in my life.

Having to juggle conflicting priorities is what we mums do best, whether we stay at home, go to work or do a bit of both. No path is entirely without its stresses, strains and missed opportunities. Oh and guilt, of course.

I just wish I could chill out about this whole work/baby/money/time balance thing and trust in my future. I mean, she isn't even here yet and I'm getting my knickers in a twist about it all.

J reminded me recently that not so many years ago I was a single mum with a toddler, working four days a week, paying for half of Ella's childcare and all of my rent and household expenses, with no maintenance payments.

I managed fine all by myself then and, although I was more stressed and tired than I am nowadays and almost constantly pining for more time with Els, I was pretty content with my lot.

Overall, things are bound to be easier this time around. And I am infinitely resourceful. And all the best things in life are free. Apart from organic food and chiropractors and Eve Lom cleanser and visiting friends when they don't live on your doorstep and broadband and pretty clothes and family-friendly festivals and miracle vitamin supplements and random purchases from Amazon and...

Can't Sleep

2010-01-28T02:19:00.004Z

Can't sleep. Again.

Insomnia is partly due to pregnancy, partly doing tax return this evening, and partly J stressing me out just before bedtime about me stressing about tax return.

I've cleared my work inbox and fired off all the 'must get round to doing those' email actions that have been hanging around for a week. Imagine the faces of clients and colleagues alike when they check their emails tomorrow morning, urrr, later this morning, and see missives from yours truly sent at 1.40am!

Am in grave danger of getting an undeserved reputation as a workaholic.

God bless Ebay. I've just rounded off my productive insomnia session with a spot of soporific* shopping.

I have bought:

1. A lavender and hops sleep pillow bag

2. A maternity body support cushion

3. A maternity parka coat. OK, so it won't help me sleep but I'm fed up of the rain and wind attacking my midline now that my normal coats won't do up over my bump.

Right, am finally tired. Nightie night xx

*Don't you just love this word? Hardly get a chance to use it, but love to slip it in when I can.

Snow Nutters

2010-01-08T10:19:00.002Z

My friends in the West Country sent me a video of them skiing in their back garden. Very impressive. I like to see people making the most of our weather instead of grumbling about it.

But then I was told about someone snowboarding through Henley town centre a few nights ago, towed by a jeep! I didn't quite believe it until I saw this.

That looks pretty fast.

I'm speechless.

My High Fives - What are Yours?

2010-01-05T17:06:00.007Z

I've just been tagged by A Mother's Ramblings with this High Five Meme. I need to list my top five highlights of 2009 and then tag five other bloggers to list theirs.

So here goes:

1. Getting Married
This is something I've wanted to do since I was sixteen. Due to a penchant for choosing unsuitable men (up until recently of course!) and a tendency to mistake pure lust for love, I've had to wait until the grand old age of thirty-six to marry the Love of my Life. They say the best things come to those who wait.

2. Scuba Diving in Thailand
I used to be a hardcore diver, happy to plunge into the icy depths of the Channel and the Irish Sea in nothing more than a semi-dry (for all you non-divers that's neoprene that is 7mm thick on the arms and legs, and14mm thick on the torso and looks like this).

Since having Ella I've become a committed holiday diver, and a very infrequent one at that. Diving and kids don't mix too well (it's often a pricey holiday and what the hell do you do with your little ones when you're underwater - leave them on the boat with a bunch of strange men?).

Diving with John during our honeymoon just off Kho Phi Phi island, in the Krabi province of Thailand, was a really special experience. John started to learn how to dive in the UK six months before our holiday, doing both his Open Water and Advanced courses so that he was qualified to dive to the same depths as me.

The aquatic life was beautiful and plentiful. Watching the fish and holding hands with my new hubby under the warm, clear Andaman sea was a big high point of 2009. Shame J put his back out the next day, rending him out of action for diving and other wonderful honeymoon pursuits (yes, including that kind) for the rest of the holiday.

3. Falling Pregnant with Number Two (and finding out my lil sis had beaten me to it)
Ever since a year after Ella was born, I have hoped to give her a sibling. I was resigning myself to the fact that I wouldn't ever have another child - firstly due to no suitable potential father, and then once I'd met and fell in love with J hearing him protest frequently that he felt too old, impatient and knackered to deal with a baby.

Somehow, miracle of miracles, the tide turned and J agreed to go for it. I gave up booze, he gave up smoking, and 2 months later I was up the duff. Result. I called my sis, the lovely Urban Pixi whose reaction made me even happier: "I was waiting for you to say that, I'm eight weeks pregnant!".

I'm sure you can imagine my delight at being able to share all the strangeness of pregnancy with a loved one who is experiencing the same things, for example:

A smorgasbord of aches and pains (back, feet, and occasionally feeling like someone has kicked you in the fanny due to SPD)
Frequent night-time loo trips
Bizarre bodily happenings e.g. nipples turning from a light cinnamon to a dark chocolate, a constant view of the inside of our belly buttons, butterfly flutters in our tummies from the little bairns.

I'm currently 17 weeks pregnant, or thereabouts, and Little Peanut is due to make his/her grand entrance on 10th June.

4. Camping in the Witterings
Me, J and Els and a bunch of our favourite people (with a few sorely missed exceptions) went camping in The Witterings.

The sun shone for days, we lounged on the beach and swam in the sea, played in dinghies, made sandcastles, and - when the kids were in bed - had wonderful al fresco evenings involving much quaffing of wine, lots of giggles and a few ticking offs from the campsite owner for our effusive, and rather loud, conversation post-11pm. Tut tut.

All of the eight kids were pretty good throughout our holiday, so much so that the childless members of the group were charmed and broody in equal measure.

5. Working with SAP BusinessObjects
The marketing agency I get most of my work from had their contract extended to work with another part of SAP, and so I took my first steps into the world of Business Intelligence. I won't bore you with the details, but basically this has increased my hours to about 20-25 per week which has turned out to be a perfect work/life and time/money balance for me.

It has also given me the opportunity to get out of the house more (I usually work from home), thanks to regular partner and internal SAP meetings and at least one day a week working on-site at the SAP BusinessObjects offices. To top it all off, some of the new team and new SAP partners are really fantastic to work with, and the software itself is really interesting. Honestly it is!

2009 has been a fantastic year, and I'm fully expecting 2010 to be the best year yet. I have a fabulous, sexy hubby, a beautiful, intelligent daughter, a job I love, a new baby and a new niece/nephew on the way, lots of time, lots of freedom, enough money, wonderful friends. And I know there's more good stuff coming my way.

Bring it on!

I'm tagging these fabulous bloggers to share their 2009 highlights:

My good friend, and (who knew it until now?) wonderfully warm and witty writer Hari at Thankyou For the Days

Undisputed Queen of the Mummy Bloggers, Susanna at A Modern Mother

Feisty, zany and thoroughly entertaining Jo Beaufoix

The no-holds-barred-make-you-pee-your-pants-with-laughter-yet-often-poignant More Than Just a Mother

And, last but not least, the Uber Parent Amy at And 1 More Means Four who is the personification of calm and good parenting - she has four girls with a boy on the way and manages to hold down a part-time job too. Wow.

I'd love to hear some of your highlights too - leave me a comment and let me know what delights 2009 has brought you.

Snow!

2010-01-01T20:48:00.006Z

I have pretty much everything I want. Lucky girl. So, the only thing I asked Santa for this year was a White Christmas. I figured thin thighs and a flat tum would be beyond his magical powers. Especially in my condition.

I didn't expect to get what I wished for.

It snowed a few days before Christmas. Proper thick snow that fell 6 inches deep and stayed put. For days.

Els got really excited then realised that snow is horribly cold and hard to play with when a) you only have woollen mittens not waterproof ones and b) there's only your mum to play with.

After a few days of being cooped up at home, our travel plans disrupted due to heavy snow and not enough grit and salt on the roads, we finally ventured out en famille on Winter Solstice. It was a consolation for not being able to get to Sarada's solstice party.
We had fun throwing snowballs in the dark, and then decided to head for our local pub.

I treated myself to a Snowball of the Advocaat variety, and we listened to the locals tell tales of abandoned Beemers and Mercs strewn across Henley. We later found out that John Lewis customers in High Wycombe ended up sleeping overnight in the bed department!

The white stuff was everywhere, and has only just melted. It may not have been a White Christmas as defined by the Met Office, but I definitely got the Christmas pressie I asked for.

Swap Party

2009-12-13T10:59:00.004Z

Photo Credit: undoneclothing

I hosted my first Swap Party on Wednesday evening.

Nothing to do with keys in a bowl or naked people in hot tubs, my Swap Party involved myself and ten lovely ladies who had been exhorted through email, Facebook and face-to-face invitations to:

"Bring any unwanted clothes, shoes, handbags, jewellery, accessories, books, CDs etc. A great excuse for a girlie gathering - and a chance for us all to update our wardrobes and keep a tight hold on our purse strings.

Come armed with your cast-offs and a bottle of booze/non-alcoholic tipple. Nibbles will be provided. Feel free to bring a friend - the more the merrier."

The day before, I'd decided to forget the nibbles idea in favour of something easier and more filling. The thing with nibbles is, unless you just buy crisps n dips readymade, they are a lot more time-consuming and fiddly to prepare than something like a huge bowl of pasta.

Seeing as I was working off-site all day and would only have a couple of hours between finishing work and welcoming guests to raid Waitrose, tidy the house, beautify myself and make dinner (Phew!) I turned to the marvellous Nigella Express for inspiration.

The other challenge was that, due to the numbers, it would have to be a lap meal for most of my friends as my dining table can only comfortably fit six. I fed my guests Festive Fusilli with Halloumi bites which went down a storm. I even found myself polishing off the leftovers for breakfast. Yum!

As a sweet treat I made my Cheat's Pudding. It's delicious and takes about two minutes to make - so it's a bit of a cheat really, hence the name. Although, when I serve it I announce it as Amaretto Pudding (much posher). Here's the recipe:

Bash a bag of amaretto biscouits with a rolling pin or bottom of a jar/wine bottle (great fun, this bit).
Mix biccies with equal quantities of creme fraiche and full fat greek yoghurt
Add honey to taste
If you're feeling fancy, mix in soft fruit such as raspberries (I used the frozen ones as to buy fresh in Winter is horribly expensive). You can even line a ramekin or wine glass with a layer of fruit first and then dollop the creamy biscuit mixture on top.

So delicious, I guarantee you'll get lots of praise and a few requests for the recipe.

We had such a giggle. We took it in turns to display our wares and if more than one person was interested then the one who looked best in the garment - as voted by the rest of us - got to keep it or, in the case of accessories books etc they reached a gentlewoman's agreement.

Including items other than clothing really helped to get over the size differences. If you just host a clothes swap you need to make sure you have at least two people per dress size so that no one is left out. Surprisingly, most of the girls at my party were size 8-10. Yes, these are my friends! Although a few of us were more 'averagely' sized at 12-14.

To get some of my favourite women together was a thrill in itself, and watching them get to know each other better was wonderful. Of course, some have been friends already for years, decades even, but like most people I no longer have one group of friends who all hang out together like we did in our early twenties. I have friends from different times in my life, who belong to different social circles, siloes of friends whose only link to each other is me.

As it turned out, the masterstroke was encouraging people to bring someone else. There were two people I didn't know at all, and one I only barely knew, which made the evening more exciting. I love meeting new people, it's so stimulating. The three in question are all intelligent, funny, friendly women and so got on with everyone else instantly - so much so, one of them suggested we all go for a girlie night out in January.

What a fun night it was - and a very productive one to boot. I got an amazing pair of shoes, several tops, two necklaces and some books. Brilliant.

My only regret is that a few of my closest friends couldn't make it, for various reasons including childcare issues and illness. Although, I could always host another one....

I'm thinking of a 'swap your unwanted Christmas presents' next. What d'ya reckon?!

A Rose by Any Other Name

2009-11-27T08:57:00.006Z

Photo credit: Kuzeytac

Peanut’s First Photo Opportunity
I had my 12 week scan yesterday. I was surprised to see so much at such an early stage. With Els, I was only offered a 20 week scan. I just presumed that my scan photo this time round would look more like a weather forecast than a foetus. Given that Peanut is only 5.5cm long, I was amazed s/he looked so much like a baby.

J was thrilled, said seeing Peanut move about on the screen made it feel much more real for him. Poor love, missing out on all the things that have been making the pregnancy very real for me - nausea, tender breasts, frequent night-time loo trips and extreme tiredness!

Peanut looked a bit boyish to me. I can't wait for the 20 week scan as I'm really keen to know what flavour s/he is. I want to narrow down my name list to male or female only and start harassing J for his real opinion. So far my favourites aren't his and vice versa. Plenty of time to sort it out though.

Is One Surname Better Than Two?
Talking of names, on the morning of the scan whilst cuddled up in bed together before getting ready for school, Ella told me she wasn't sure about being a Barrass-Higgs anymore. I’ve reassured her that whatever she wants her surname to be is OK with me, but she doesn’t need to make that choice until she’s a few years older. But our conversation did make me feel a bit frustrated. Allow me to explain...

When J and I got married I thought it was a great opportunity to finally share a surname with my daughter (I never have done). Being an ultra-reasonable person, I wouldn't dream of taking her dad's name from her (Barrass) so I thought she could have both names ie Barrass (her dad's) and Higgs (my new surname).

I discussed it with her dad, who wasn't too keen for some reason (it's not as if I was suggesting losing his surname in favour of mine). However, he agreed I could discuss the idea with her and let her decide. I assured him I wouldn't change it legally until she was older and completely sure she wanted to add my name to his.

Having both surnames seems to me an apt reflection of her Shared Care Daughter status. She has two families - her House Family which is me and John and her Boat Family which is her dad and his girlfriend. The House and Boat terminology is Ella's own. Her dad lives on a river boat and we share her care 50/50 between both families.

The Freedom of Choice
Anyhow, as much as I thought this new name was a good idea, I am a great believer in Ella having choices and freedom so I was keen to give her the option of being a Barrass or a Barrass-Higgs. After all, it's her name.

So, I discussed it with her in a very neutral way, said it was her choice and I was happy with whatever she chose.

After a few weeks of quiet contemplation, Ella decided she'd like to have both surnames. So I told the school, doctors etc she is to be referred to as Ella Barrass-Higgs on their records but isn't yet listed as that legally - and won't be until (or if) she confirms she'd like to share my surname as well as her dad's. I thought ten years old would be a good age for her to decide once and for all. If she's still sure then, I'll change her name by deed poll.

Fair, yes? Enough said on that topic until she's ten, no need for anymore discussion. Or so I thought.

From our conversation this morning, it turns out El's dad has been chatting to her about how it's not important to have the Higgs on the end of her surname, and giving her examples of other families she knows who all have different surnames from each other.

He’s perfectly at liberty to discuss anything he wants with his daughter, but I was stunned to find this ‘name thing’ has now been playing on Ella’s mind. It was a non-issue for her until that conversation, and I really didn’t think we needed to discuss it again until she becomes ten. I felt quite annoyed.

What’s in a Name?
Ultimately, 'a rose by any other name would smell as sweet' so I agree with El’s dad that it doesn't matter either way. Ella is part of my family whatever her surname. However, I have deliberately held back from influencing her choice as I think it is one she should make for herself in a few years' time, with no undue influence from me or her dad.

Of course I'd like Ella to share a surname with all the key members in her family - her dad, me, her new brother/sister and her step-dad. But, if she prefers to be a Barrass only that's completely cool too.

So why am I getting my knickers in a twist - over something that is really nothing? Pregnancy hormones perhaps....

I'd appreciate your views on this. What do you make of it all?

On a more positive name note, here are my current favourites (but not necessarily J's!) for Peanut:

Kai
Seth
Jasper (J likes this too)
Rufus
Zack
Caleb

or....

Alicia (J likes this..)
Daisy (..and this..)
Phoebe (..and this)
Violet
Laila
Amelia
Chloe

Which do you like best for Peanut Higgs?

Second Time Around

2009-11-17T20:40:00.003Z

Photo credit: Koecklin

There I am intending to mark these exciting early weeks of pregnancy with voracious blogging activity, and what am I doing?

Watching TV mainly (loving True Blood! So excited about the new Gavin and Stacey!). Oh, and sleeping.

My mojo had left the building.

A combination of pregnancy, a horrible cold virus that drained the last reserves of my energy and the onset of Winter had basically turned me into a sofa-loving, bed-hugging almost-hermit.

But I'm starting to fight back! Nettle tea (thanks for the tip, Sarada), my usual concotion of vitamins and a very Helpful Husband (he even cooks now! Well, if you count reheating Covent Garden soup as cooking) are coaxing back my mojo.

The signs are there. I've started to reach back into the big wide world. I'm going for short walks at lunchtime. I'm phoning friends again. Even meeting them at cafes, and accepting dinner invites. Although nights out still don't seem to have the allure they used to.

Last weekend I blossomed into Uber Mum - it happens sometimes - and had a great time with Ella making novelty-shaped cookies, decorating jam jars to use as tea-light holders, and helping her create scrapbook pages on our (rather excellent) Halloween party.

Oh, and cooking delicious meals, taking her to see Fantastic Mr Fox and hosting a sleepover with one of her best friends. Amongst other things.

So I'm quietly optimistic that I'm starting to 'bloom'. Ten weeks pregnant now and it's not just my demaenour that's blooming. My tummy has got a little confused and clearly thinks it's a good deal more pregnant than it actually is. I've heard this happens second time around.

To be fair, before I fell pregnant with Ella I had quite a small tummy. And was two stone lighter than now (sigh).I'm not sure how much of my bump is actual pregnancy bump or just 'can't be bothered to try and hold it all in now that I can get away with it' bulge. I'm already living in leggings and posting desperate cries of help on Freecycle for maternity gear. Ten weeks! I look more like twenty.

That's another thing about second time around. I can't bring myself to pay for anything I might actually need. Because this time I know I won't need it for long. And living in Henley-on-Thames you get a better class of cast-offs daaahling.

In fact, the second-hand baby gear collection has already started. Apart from maternity clothes, I'm not actively seeking anything. Just welcoming anything that pops up on Freecycle. To date: a good-as-new Brita car seat worth £160 and an Ikea chest-of-drawers-cum-baby-changing-table.

And the other thing about second time around is the books I'm reading. Not much about pregnancy and childcare. A lot about childbirth. I'm trying to convince myself it needn't be such a medicalised ordeal. I'm even considering a home birth, or at least starting off that way with the option to finish off in hospital.

The four 'satisfying' birthing experiences I've heard first-hand accounts of have all been home births. I'm sure there's a correlation between being a bit scared in hospital and having pretty much every intervention known to man. And - before the epidural appeared - the worst sacral pain (back-to-back baby, evil Syntocin)in the whole world ever, so much so I distinctly remember thinking that I wouldn't really care if someone started to saw my leg off because it would pale into comparison with the pain I was experiencing. And I wasn't over-dramatising. It really was that bad. I wish I'd done my homework instead of studiously avoiding the whole scary subject of childbirth.

No more horror-movie style screaming for me. Surely that's not natural? I'm planning to prepare myself much better this time. I want a relaxed, bearable birthing experience second time around.Do let me know about your positive birth experiences. It'll boost my spirits even more..

Bun in the oven

2009-10-16T12:41:00.004+01:00

Photo credit: ohrfeus

I have a little bun in the oven.

Actually, according to babycentre it is actually more like a tadpole. So small it isn't even officially a foetus yet.

But it's making me very, very happy indeed.

We weren't trying long (good ole John!) so in a strange way it has taken us both by suprise.

John's volte-face on the subject of trying for a baby (a long-running discussion) was swift and suprising. From "I'm not sure, I'm not sure, I'm not sure" to "oh, go on then let's give it a whirl" in the space of weeks. Hugely helped by two of his male friends having their first babies in the last few months - and exhibiting undeniably Ecstatic Dad signs (along with the bleary eyes and uncontrollable yawning, natch).

So, Peanut as he is currently called is tentatively starting life. Babycentre tells me that this week his brain, muscles and bones are beginning to take shape. His hands and feet resemble little paddles and his tiny heart is beating — twice as fast as mine. Awww.

I say 'he' cos I think it might be. Then again I thought Ella was a 'he' until I dreamed she was a girl and then the scan confirmed it. I seem to have this gender confusion a lot.

Els is very happy that she is finally getting a little brother or sister. "I don't even mind if it's a brother.." she informed me before adding "..because you thought I was a boy didn't you? So maybe when people think it's a boy then it's actually going to be a girl."

Ah. I see what you're trying to do there, bless you honey.

Excitingly, someone very close to me is about 4 weeks more pregnant than me. I'm not sure the news is on general release yet so I won't say. I'm chuffed to bits though.

The Secret to Big Boobs, True Love and Losing Weight (3 posts in one to make up for my absence)

2009-09-09T20:27:00.004+01:00

Photo credit: Weight Watcher

It's been ages since I've blogged. A week 'holiday' at home with both Els and my niece combined with an annoying computer virus have kept me from my PC. But now I'm back (from outer space..)

Bigger Boobs
So, what's been going on? My boobs have grown. Mainly due to a) eating too much b) drinking too much and c) getting fitted properly at Rigby & Peller where you instantly increase 2 cup sizes if you usually get measured at M&S or similar.

Making the Course of True Love Run Super Smoothly
Oh, and I've fallen back in love with hubby. Yes, I know we've only been married since March but hey you know how it goes. You don't? Let me enlighten you - most married couples will agree that the first year of marriage is the hardest. Although J's (divorced) brother sagely pointed out that it's actually the last year that's the hardest.

We have argued more in the last six months than we have over the preceeding two years. Weirdly, I have also doubted our relationship quite seriously at least three times since our nuptials and I never had an ounce of doubt before (otherwise I wouldn't have married him).

To be fair, these doubts usually last a maximum of 24 hours and are usually only expressed to my sister or to Sarada. Both of whom know I appreciate J's qualities and know that he's the only man capable of keeping me interested and happy for the next 50 years or so.

So, I've fallen back in love with J in a big way, as opposed to falling in and out of love on a bi-weekly basis as has been the case since that perfect Friday in March when I became Mrs Higgs.

The secret? It's simple yet effective.

I've just been looking for, and praising all the good stuff and letting the rest go. And fantasising. No, not like that. Nothing to do with Brad Pitt or that yes-I-know-he's-gay-in-real-life-too dashing Captain from Torchwood. Mmmm.

Where was I? Ah, yes, fantasy. The kind where you start off being grumpy because he's left his breakfast plates, jam and crumbs all over the counter in silent expectation of you being Mum and cleaning up after him (though to be fair I usually don't. I just opt to live in a hovel until one of us caves in).

Your mind runs away with similar thoughts of his neglectful, uncaring and damn right rude ways. And then you realise you could be making yourself happier by harnessing your imagination in a more positive way.

So you purposefully indulge in a fantasy of him coming home with flowers, cleaning the kitchen, putting out the washing. Without even being asked. It's addictive. You can get quite carried away with this kind of daydream.

And guess what? It's helped me to remember the times when he has actually done these things in True Life (an Ella-ism there. Much nicer than Real Life seeing as reality is just a subjective construct. Actually, truth probably is too.), and so I'm a Nice Wife when he comes home instead of a grumpy one.

More often than not, strangely, True Life starts to follow my domestic fantasies pretty darn quick. For example...

This morning I woke up and started to get myself in a grump about 'we never go out on dates any more. If we do anything it's because I suggested and organised it'. Then I did my fantasy thing, dreaming of John asking me to the cinema or out for a drink, and thinking 'oh, that will be nice when that happens'.

And it did.

This evening J said 'Do you have Els on Friday night? No? Great, shall we go to the cinema or maybe out for a drink?'. Hallelujah!! I've unwittingly discovered both how to stay in love with your hubby and how to get what you want from your hubby - without even having to ask.

Let me know if you get amazing results from this Jedi Mind Trick too.

Losing Weight
The other brilliant thing that has happened is that I've finally started dieting properly - and I love it! I'm not boozing, not drinking coffee, not eating sugar and I feel fab. Well, most of the time. Sometimes I'm dreaming of chocolate and a smooth, oaky Rioja. But not as much as you'd expect.

I'm doing Rose Elliot's The Vegetarian Low Carb Diet and really enjoying the food. Because it's high protein my appetite has decreased and I'm quite happy with the one snack I'm allowed a day.

J is eating what I'm eating, but bigger portions and occassionally adding some meat/fish/potatoes and he really likes the food too. I gave up the coffee and booze a couple of weeks before that, so it's just the sugar I had to give up when I started the diet. It's Day 8 now and I've lost two pounds so far...just another 16 to go....

I really recommend it if you don't mind going veggie for a few months. You're allowed alcohol after two weeks but I think I'll lose weight faster if I stay off it.

I've discovered the only way I can drink enough water (2 litres a day!) is to drink nice herbal teas. I really like the 'Yogi Teas' and 'Pukka' brands, most supermarkets stock them but you often get more of the range at a helath food shop. They're tastier than most of the others (Twinings etc) I've tried. My current favourite is Yogi Tea's Throat Comfort - it's really sweet and comforting. Ella loves it too.

When I crave coffee I drink Good Earth's Jasmine Tea (also in Tesco's etc). It's green tea with Jasmine. An acquired taste if you're not used to green tea but persevere and you'll quickly grow to love it. It perks you up and calms you down at the same time. Magic stuff.

I'm quietly optimistic about my chances of fitting into size 10 jeans again. I'll let you know how I get on.

Well. That was a bloody long post. I look forward to your comments. I've missed you x

The Ocean Hotel, Butlins

2009-08-20T19:43:00.010+01:00

Those lovely people at Butlins invited me and mine, along with some other British Mummy Bloggers, journos etc to the launch of their new hotel, The Ocean in Bognor.

Never one to pass up a decent freebie, we jumped at the chance. It was a great end to

our camping holiday in the Witterings, and the sun continued to shine for us. That's nearly a whole week of golden rays for us. Mmmmmm.

Before the launch, we were put up at the Premier Inn, where Els beat J in a pillow fight and we laughed our socks off to Ice Age 3 in the cinema near the hotel.

The Ocean hotel was GORGEOUS. Really funky, bright and modern (see Els' Pop Art style room in the photo). And they have a 'no monsters under the bed' guarantee with underbed lighting. Nice touch.

The redcoats were positive and helpful without being annoying or insincere. I was impressed. Really impressed.

Kitschy disco lifts, complete with UV lights and funky '70s sounds, had us grooving with strangers whenever we left our room. In
fact, during the tour our group included the Mayor of Bognor Regis in full bling, er, regalia and I'm sure I detected a little wiggle from her on the way up (to Disco Inferno).

By some clever trickery with lights and sensors, an interactive-seeming floor kept Els amused making the fish swim away from her feet.

Kids clubs and various on-site entertainment are included in a Butlins stay. Shame you had to pay extra to go into the lovely spa. But hey, at least there was a spa!

I thought around £100 per night for a family of four (midweek low season) was a pretty good deal considering our room at the Premier Inn was £84. Although I guess we're in high season now so I'm probably not comparing apples with apples.

I think a 3-night stay at The Ocean in high season is £800 for 2 adults and 2 kids. I'd rather take myself off scuba diving in the Red Sea for a week, and take Els camping on my return for that budget. But that's a personal choice, I'm sure many of you would disagree.

Anyhow, the Premier Inn didn't have a Bob the Builder show, huge soft play contraption or fairground rides thrown in. Butlins certainly did.

And some amazing circus acts.

I wasn't too keen on the plethora of sweetie machines and crappy gambling/arcade games in the main entertainments hall though. Cue much wheedling and 'it's not fair'. You'd haemmorhage money if you stayed too long in there. Probably best to pull the little dears swiftly past the tat and towards the swimming pool which was fab. Whirlpool, jacussi section, little slides, flumes..

One teensy criticism of the pool though - Els isn't a small 6 year old but still was too small for all of the flume rides. Even if she had made the required height, we wouldn't have been allowed to go on them together - unlike the flume at our local pool - so that would have put her off anyway.

All in all, we had a lovely time. The Ocean Hotel certainly changed my perceptions about Butlins.

Not just mine by the looks of things: Ocean Hotel Reviews.

P.S. NixdMinx's miniminx is adorable, And one more makes 4 I really enjoyed our chat and meeting your lovely family!

Thank you for Waiting

2009-08-17T21:31:00.003+01:00

Back Soon
Originally uploaded by redcrayon

Camping in the Witterings; having my perceptions changed at Butlins; increasing two cup sizes on my birthday; reviving my natural healing abilities; falling back in love with my husband; being a reflexology case study.

Normal blogging service will resume shortly. We thank you for your patience.

It's a Girl!!!

2009-08-06T20:16:00.003+01:00

I took Stripe to the vet's today to have his claws clipped. He's so wriggly, it was quite a task.

The vet looked at his records, checked out his undercarriage and then said to me "You do realise Stripe's a girl, don't you?".

Ah. That will explain the lack of testicles - we just put that down to Stripe being young. It also explains why she hasn't chilled out yet.

Male rats are more laidback, actually lazier, than their female counterparts. We purposefully asked the pet shop for a male rat, knowing he would turn out to be more of a lap rat than a girlie rats who tend to be more active.

El's with her dad until we go camping tomorrow. I called her this afternoon as soon as she finished holiday club. She was as incredulous as me at the news.

Somehow, and this is wrong of me I know, I love Stripe all the more now that he is a she.

Time for a Lie-in

2009-08-05T18:03:00.003+01:00

Photo credit:109. dandelion clock 109/365

A lovely thing happened today. Something beautiful and rare.

Ella woke up at seven this morning as usual, and stayed in her room for half an hour until it was the official 'wakey up time'. What's my secret?

Ah...

Last night we finally got her new alarm clock out and played the Teach Me Time Game. Ella got to level 3 and was chuffed to bits.

I then programmed it to go off at 7.30am, and explained that now she is a Grown Up with her own Alarm Clock it would be lovely if she played in her room and only woke Mummy when the clock went off.

It was a long shot, I really didn't think she'd do it.

But she did.

The Teach Me alarm clock has now risen to Top Birthday Present ever in my book.

When I ordered it I was a bit unsure as it's quite pricey for a teaching toy which at the time (scuse the pun) I wasn't sure if she'd use much or not. But it's clearly worth its weight in gold.

We're off camping soon and I can't wait. Going to Wittering with friends as Part 1 of my birthday celebrations - see here for the rest. Not sure I'll get away with keeping Els shushed up in her partition for another lie-in as, in my experience, kids+camping=much excitement and early waking.

Still, there's enough kids going that I can just chuck her out to play with them in the mornings and stick my ear plugs in for maximum snooze time. Bliss.

A couple of friends have gone to the campsite already. The first report is very promising. Sarada's text last night said:

'It's fab! Rain stopped and blue skies emerged as we were arriving - amazing nearly full moon lighting up the sky! Still settling down the kids (at 11pm). They're so excited. If we're quiet we can hear the sea - I love that sound. So we're all looking forward to a wonderful weekend.'

So am I!

Just a quickie..

2009-07-30T18:22:00.004+01:00

..to say that I'm fabulously busy with socialising (I haven't got a free weekend for a month) and knitting (!!) at the moment. I'm attempting a chunky, stripey scarf for J...it isn't the most beautiful thing but it's being made with love.

Camp Bestival was lovely. More kids than adults, very relaxed and such fun that we didn't even make it to the knitting tent. I'd recommend it to anyone with kids, even festival virgins.

Do check out my lovely sister's new blog In her own words, she is:

Urban Pixi - a single mum with an earth spirit, boxed into a house in a town desperately trying to pass on a connection with the earth to my offspring. I work part-time as a social worker and moonlight as a face painter/hair braider for maximum job satisfaction!

Enjoy xx

Chick With Sticks

2009-07-22T18:06:00.003+01:00

Photo credit: Sexy Knitters Club

Ella's My First Knitting kit that I got for her birthday has spawned an unusual urge in me.

I thought knitting was the preserve of lavender-scented grannies until I started to help Els work out what to do with her new knitting kit.

Yes, I confess that I now want to learn how to knit. In fact, I've started already and now have my own sticks (needles) and the marvellous Stitch n Bitch book.

I wasn't prepared for the zen-like feeling of peace through the meditative click-click of the sticks, and a sense of being connected to my ancestors and my ancestors' ancestors through this ancient craft.

I've only spent a few hours but know how to cast on and do a basic knit stitch, plus the theory of how to cast off (but I haven't quite got the hang of that one yet).

Els and I will be making a bee-line to the knitting tent at Camp Bestival which will hopefully boost our fledgling skills.

I'd like to start a scarf in a few weeks.

Poor ole J, a lifetime of homemade jumpers, scarves, hats and socks begins.

Six and Thirty-Six Celebrations

2009-07-21T17:53:00.004+01:00

Photo Credit:Birthday Balloons

That's how old my baby is now. Six!! Such a Big Girl.

In true like-mother-like-daughter form, El's birthday morphed from a one day event to a three day event.

Actually, she has some catching up to do as my upcoming thirty-sixth (yes, yes I know I don't look it) birthday is going to be celebrated in the following ways:

A three day camping trip with some of my mates and our kiddies
Taking myself to Rigby and Pellier for a hands-on bra fitting (they don't use a tape measure I've heard) and subsequent lingerie splurge on my actual birthday followed by a trip with J that evening to see Bill Bailey
A Friday night out in Reading with my good-time girls (and boys) shaking what my mama gave me
A Sunday garden party chez moi - avec les enfants, natch

Milking it? Moi?!

Anyway, Ella's sixth birthday...

El's dad took her and a friend to Legoland on Saturday. Then on Sunday (her birthday) she went to her Nonna's then to a small family party at my house, and on Monday I took her to the Kenton Theatre to the theatre to see The Town Mouse and The Country Mouse with another friend, Molly, her cousin Sulis and my sis Jules.

We went for a collection of smaller pressies this year, and they went down a storm. Notably, the Teach Me talking alarm clock which I discovered on Find Me a Gift, and fully expect not only to help Ella learn the time (in analogue and digital) but also to buy me precious bed time on weekend mornings - when its face turns green that means you can wake mummy, until then you're playing in your room kiddo (here's hoping...)

Other pressies that hit the spot included the kids' Learn to Knit kit from Hobbycraft and her favourite...wait for it...a Hello Kitty A4 ringbinder that's a bit like this.

Yes, the ringbinder file was her top pressie. Picked up as an afterthought for £2 from WH Smiths. Bless her cotton socks.

My personal favourite is the knitting kit, but more about that later...

Another Big Bump...

2009-07-13T14:38:00.002+01:00

Photo credit:Bump Head

Poor J, he took today off as his knee hurts (not sure how, he thinks a combination of driving over the w/e and being 41!).

Being a plumber, er, sorry...Heating Engineer he spends a lot of time on his knees. Just thought I'd qualify that in case you were thinking a sore knee is a flimsy excuse for a day off work.

He's very industrious is my J.

Anyway, this morning I was getting ready for my day as 'corporate chick' working on-site at a big software client's HQ in London. Before I left, I made my beloved a cup of tea as a parting Florence Nightingale gesture.

I brought it in to him in bed. As he sat up, he trapped the curtain behind his back (our window is directly behind our bed). He gave the curtain a little tug to free it, and the whole curtain pole plus big-thick-wood-thing-with-nails that the pole was attached to came crashing down on his head!

Horrible!

Though as soon as I knew he was OK (blood, big bump but nothing major) I must confess I did chuckle. What a way to wake up.

Rented houses hey...

A Really Big Bump

2009-07-07T17:54:00.004+01:00

Photo Credit:Mr Bump on the move

My Regatta plans were foiled this Satruday. No sipping Pimms with my friends and gazing at the fabulous rowers for me this year. Thank God Susanna at a Modern Mother did that for me

What I did instead was have a Very Big Bump at the tricky staggered junction outside Thames & Kennet Marina where Ella's dad lives.

It's hard to explain what happened without drawing diagrams, but basically I had to cross three lanes of traffic, two of which are split by a 'Keep Clear' box which is used for people entering and leaving the Marina.

I got across 2 lanes and paused in the box in line (at right angles) with the row of stationary traffic (a filter lane with a red light). The last lane I had to cross had been clear on my approach but I knew it might change and their lights may be green...so I started to creep forward slowly to get a better view (it was blocked by the stationary cars) and - BANG!!

I got hit on the passenger side right on the wheel arch (it must have been at 20 mph+ as the other driver's airbag deployed). We span a little, I screamed, glass tinkled, Ella cried.

Result: El had a small bump on her head, I got minor whiplash (which I only noticed that evening as I was in shock all day) and my car looks like it's a complete write-off.

Paramedics, police, J (my hubby), Paul (El's dad), El and I cosied up in kiddie A&E for hours...

Thank God we were OK though. It really shook us up.

Sunday was much better. Some friends took us to see Romeo and Juliet at The Globe, we had a late lunch then enjoyed the street performers at Covent Garden.

El stopped by with Paul yesterday morning to grab a school dress and her bump has completely gone. She's in good spirits, and I have her again tomorrow. Really looking forward to lots of cuddles...

Jedi Mind Tricks for Kids

2009-06-30T15:09:00.005+01:00

Photo Credit:Young Yoda

At the moment my parenting focus is on helping Ella to manage her negative emotions without repressing them, or letting them completely take her over.

So, if she’s scared of wolves in her bedroom at night we start talking about happy thoughts like our recent trip to Euro Disney.

If she can’t get the wolves out of her mind, we talk about how they are like dogs and how she can choose to make them her pets in her imagination: take them for walks, tickle their tummies.

I’m keen to encourage her to realise that she can control her thoughts, which in turn makes it possible for her to change the way she feels.

I think it’s one of the most valuable life skills I can teach her. Although I must confess, being quite a sensitive soul as I am at times, I am still learning that trick myself.

Master it I will...

Get Lost in Music...

2009-06-19T12:42:00.003+01:00

Photo Credit: PhilipZeplin

Until recently, I’ve been stuck in a musical rut.

I want something new to listen to and I don’t want to be permanently plugged into Radio 1 to discover it. Their inane chatter in between tracks is too off-putting when I’m working.

So, I was chuffed to bits when I recently discovered Last FM. You type in a band you like and it creates a non-stop-music radio station for you - featuring your chosen band and artists of a similar genre.

It’s fab for discovering new music - and rediscovering old favourites. My current fave is Polly Scattergood (no, I’d never heard of her either). Check out her very beautiful Poem Song and Other too Endless. You can even create your own playlists - and send the URL to your mates. Please share your discoveries with me!

Ella's dad recommended Spotify to me the other day. It’s like a jukebox for your PC.

Basically, you download it (for free) and type in any album or artist. You can then listen to all their stuff for free (but can’t burn it to CD/download it onto your MP3 player).

It takes all the risk out of buying new music ‘cos you can listen to an album as many times as you like before popping to the shops/ordering it on Amazon.

It’s also great for keeping up with your muso friends – whenever they mention a band/singer you should know about (as happened to me re. PJ Harvey), nod sagely then scurry on home to listen to their entire back catalogue on Spotify. Like what you hear? Discover more bands like them on Last FM...

The soundtrack to my life just got a whole lot more interesting.

I’m currently working my way through the Camp Bestival line up so I know who to make a beeline for in July. Although I’ll need to keep my plans flexible...

CBeebies’ Mr Tumble, Angelina Ballerina with the English National Ballet and Will Young will be vying for Ella’s attention. Strangely enough, El’s most excited about the Knitting Tent.

Rock on, Ella!

Yummy Mummies Meet at the Rainforest Cafe

2009-06-17T09:41:00.004+01:00

Photo credit: traci*s retro

Now I must confess that I used to think meeting anyone from an internet 'community group' was completely nerdy. The kind of thing best left to World of Warcraft-ers and Second Life-ers.

Basically, I thought that meeting people you'd only ever met virtually was suitable for people who didn't have any real friends.

But times move on, and I with them.

I was excited, I was nervous. Sunday came and Ella and I traipsed off to London for the British Mummy Bloggers get-together at The Rainforest Cafe.

Organised by Susanna at A Modern Mother - truly the Queen of the British Mummy Bloggers - it was a great opportunity to match some (very pretty) faces to blogs.

Ella had a great time on the kids table and loved her goodie bag, especially the Rainforest Cafe wallet which prompted her to ask for some pocket money. Hmm. Is five too young for pocket money? Probably. I gave her some anyway.

I had a lovely natter with NixdMinx during which we discussed the burning desire to occassionally 'let rip' in anonymous blog posts.

We all slightly self-censor at times, knowing that friends/Romans/Countrymen read our posts. It would be great to have a place for us mummy bloggers to vent, to expose the raw, naked truth at those times when we can't on our own blogs for fear of reprisals. NixdMinx suggested the name 'AnonyMums'. Love it. I'll let you know when it launches...

I met Emily from Maternal Tales and her cute, cheeky daughter who had me and NixdMinx in stiches. I chatted to Home Office Mum and More than Just a Mother (whose current post I urge you to read. It'll make you chuckle) and waved manically to Notes from Inside My Head as for some reason I was convinced I'd met her somehwere before. Turns out she thought the same of me. We don't even read each others blogs (though I will now). Spooky.

And then there was the ripely preganant and glowing Tasha from Wahm Bahm who impressively managed to combine working at home with a two week old baby the first time round. Living, breathing proof that you can have, and do, it all.

And last, but certainly not least, I met Metropolitan Mum and her gorgeous little Baby L. What a delicious group of yummy, funny mummies. I am proud to belong to such an intelligent, interesting completely non-nerdy group.

There were more mummy bloggers I didn't get a chance to say hello to (I was wedged tightly in the corner, as it was a large table in a very small room, and I only ventured out of my seat for loo trips), but I hope to meet in due course.

We all enjoyed a free lunch - courtesy of the lovely people at Silver Cross who only asked for a few minutes of our attention while they discussed their ethos as a company (British, committed to quality and innovation, open to feedback from customers) and demonstrated two pretty cool products.

My favourite was the Halo pushchair which combines a travel system with a lightweight stroller so it will last Junior all the way through from birth until s/he progresses to walking/scooting/cycling.

Impressively, it folds down so small you can fit it in the boot of a Mini. The old style Mini.

Now I just need the baby...

Top 5 Tips for Enjoying Disneyland Paris

2009-06-06T13:29:00.011+01:00

Ella and I had a great time at Euro Disney this Tuesday and Wednesday. The weather was amazing, the queues bearable (the longest we ever had to wait for a ride was 30 minutes) and the atmosphere happy and upbeat.

I had steeled myself for an onslaught of unbridled consumerism and in-your-face American-style Disney overkill but was pleasantly suprised.

I'm not denying that food and merchandise were expensive, they were. But the French are, well, French and so their Disney-ness was expressed with a smile and a 'Hello Princess' (for Ella, not me). They were charmingly free of faux enthusiasm, tending towards friendliness instead. A refreshing experience for any visitor to Paris.

The peculiar thing about Disneyland, Paris is that you can't get a decent coffee for love nor money. Not in the park, the studios, the village nor the hotels. There wasn't a Gaggia in sight.

I had to make do with Nescafe espresso or, worse, Nescafe cappuccino - the kind that started life as a dry powder and owes its foaminess to E-numbers. I'm surprised the Disney staff haven't mounted a strike in protest.

For those of you who haven't yet been, here are Ella and my recommendations for Euro Disney:

Top 5 Tips for Enjoying Disneyland Paris

Make it a Mini Break
We went for one night and two days. At the most, I'd recommend two nights and three days. Yes, there is a lot to do but it is very tiring walking around the Park's 140 acres -and the Walt Disney Studios' 50 acres.

A mini break gives you enough time to do the best rides, and see a few shows, and frees you to suck up the expense without wincing. We spent around £140 on souvenirs, food and drink over the 2 days.
Go Off Peak
A bit of an obvious one, this but strongly recommended. To find out the best times to go, select 'book now' on the Disneyland Paris hotels page, and click the 'arrival date' link which will bring up the calendar. The cheaper dates (shown in yellow) are the best times to go - both for your purse and for your sanity.

Don't feel guilty about pulling the little darlings out of school. Remember, you're creating magical memories that they, and probably you, will cherish for ever. Corny but true.
Know your Rides
This one is tricky, but it really does pay to do your research, talk to friends and friends of friends (thank you to MJ for her amazing itinerary), trawl the net...do whatever you can before you go to find out what your child/children are most likely to enjoy.

We made the mistake of thinking Big Thunder Mountain was a family ride. Disney bill it as such, Ella exceeded the minimum height requirement and from where we were standing the ride looked fairly tame. We were so wrong.

It is not a fast train ride. It is a roller coaster without the loops. We closed our eyes and screamed through the entire ride. I know that's de rigeur on roller coasters. But we were both uncomfortably scared. Although, later in the day I must admit that we looked back on the experience and felt a stoic sense of achievement.

So be warned - what Disney, or others, think is age appropriate may not be, depending on how fearless you and your child are. Els and I are fairly evenly matched. Clearly, she has a better excuse for being a wimp – she is only five.

I, on the other hand, am old enough to know better but cannot sway my strong sense of self-preservation by thinking of the impecccable safety record of most roller coasters, the laws of physics being on my side etc. etc.

For what it's worth, our favourite rides were The Pirates of the Carribean, Buzz Lightyear Laserblast and a tame-looking but great fun Orbitron
Get Up Early
If you stay in any of the Disney hotels you are allowed access to the Park from 8am to 10am. That means you get two whole hours before the day tripping hoardes descend. Bliss.

They only open up two areas of the park, and not all of the rides in these areas are open, but it is a doddle to get on the rides you fancy and it is a relaxing experience wandering around an almost-deserted Park.

The first hour (8am-9am) was the best because a lot of families at the hotels clearly hadn't finished breakfasting and getting ready. Ella and I had both hit the sack at 9pm the night before, so it was easy to wake up early and make the most of our two hours.

It was a great mini break, and a fabulous Mother-Daughter bonding opportunity. We smiled and giggled and 'wowed' our way through two of the best days we have had in a long time. I highly recommend that you go.

But if you're watching the pennies (and who of us isn't these days?) do hurry up and book soon. Kids under seven stay and play free until 8th November this year. If you're lucky, you may even get free travel on Eurostar for the little darlings too (very much subject to availability - we couldn't get this deal on the dates we wanted to travel).

Bon voyage!

Eurodisney

2009-06-01T08:17:00.002+01:00

Photo credit

J and I spent the weekend with Sarah and Mike, lounging in the sunshine and flying kites. I was totally made over when Sarah told me they are going to try for a baby soon.

It seems to be Maternity Year.

Two of J's friends' wives are about to have their first babies, a good friend of his has recently announced her first pregnancy and two of my friends are about to pop. Sarah is the second girlfriend to tell me they're 'going for gold' in the next few months.

I wonder if it's catching?

I have some exciting news of my own.

I'm taking Ella on a suprise trip to Eurodisney, Paris. I am sooo excited. We're catching the Eurotunnel tomorrow morning. I'm planning to keep the secret at least until we get to St Pancras.

Au revoir!

Victory

2009-05-27T17:46:00.003+01:00

Photo credit

I seem to be winning.

The gaps between the sofa and the wall, and the sofa and the floor, are plugged with plumber's lagging hose (courtesy of J).

Stripe generally steers clear of the 'weakest link' corner where he could easily squeeze through our defences and cause merry havoc chewing behind the sofa.

Why does he stay away? I have Super Nanny to thank for that. Not only has she helped me through those dark, desperate toddler years (terrible twos? Bah! My own experience and a quick straw poll confirms the tantrumy-try-your-patience stage to run from approximately18 months to three and a half years), her techniques seem to work equally as well on pet rats.

As soon as Stripe goes near the illegal zone, I clap loudly (rats have sensitive hearing), say 'No!' firmly and put him in his cage for a few minutes of Time Out. Works a treat.

He also has some new chew toys in his cage and I am more vigilant when he's out playing. Although I've been finding it hard to keep an eye on him and watch Britain's Got Talent. Isn't it just compulsive viewing? Ella and I have been riveted.

My Rat Baby

2009-05-20T09:49:00.002+01:00

Photo credit:missy

Stripe has been with us for four weeks now and we all love him to bits.

I wanted to upload a photo but he won't stay still long enough, and when he's sleeping he's curled up into a small ball of fur in the corner of his cage which is cute to the naked eye but doesn't make for a good photo through the cage bars.

So, here's a photo of someone else's rat who looks a lot like Stripe.

Pet rats, or fancy rats as they're often called, make brilliant pets. They don't bite, they're as intelligent as dogs (Stripe already comes when you call his name), they can be litter trained and they are very low maintenance.

Ella does her teeth in the morning with him sitting on her shoulder, chattering his teeth and squeaking contentedly

I first had a rat, Rizzo, in my early twenties. He was a baby substitute. My hormones were going wild and I was aware that my hash dealing, thrash metaller boyfriend was unsuitable father material. Rizzo was something small and cute to lavish affection on whilst waiting for my situation to become more motherhood-friendly.

Fast forward a decade or so and Stripe is probably fulfilling the same function - baby substitute (J is not too sure he ever wants his own child). Stripe also has another role - sibling substitute for Ella. She even refers to him as 'my rat brother'. Bless.

Working from home, I let Stripe have free range of the sitting room. He's great fun to watch - inquisitive and intrepid he gets into, on, under and behind everything. He's currently sliding down the neck of my guitar. Rather tunefully I might add.

Stripe didn't come out to play much last night as he was relegated to the naughty corner. J and I had discovered rat nibbles in the sofa. The NEW sofa J spent hundreds of pounds on. It nearly caused a domestic.

Apparently, there are solutions. I can put cuttlefish bones, bird blocks and mineral blocks in his cage to chew on. I can spray Johnson's anti-peck on the sofa (marketed for birds but apparently works on rats) because it tastes horrible. I can also cover the sofa with thick throws when Stripe's out so he chews on those and not the sofa.

I will try all of these things, but I know that if a rat wants to do something there's no stopping him. Man vs rat is an age-old battle. Usually man only wins by using rat poison. Obviously not an option for us.

I am a big rat fan. Despite the chewing. Stripe is affectionate and fun. He likes strokes and cuddles. I can leave him in his palatial Freddy Savic if I need to go away for a weekend and know that he's perfectly content.

Stripe is a great pet. He's even muted the ticking of my biological clock. I'm sure J will agree a nibbled sofa is a small price to pay, considering he's been let off the hook. For the moment anyway.

Logs and Dogs

2009-05-17T20:25:00.006+01:00

Thank you for all your kind comments. You've really helped to cheer me up :-)

I knew Ali since she was about 18. Over that decade, our friendship has ebbed and flowed but always against a steady background of love and respect. It's taken me a while to feel comfortable with the fact that we were on an ebb before she died.

No arguments, no acrimony but some conscious distance because aspects of Ali's recent lifestyle shift weren't sitting easy with me. Her changed value set rankled me a little, she wasn't fully the Ali I knew and loved, and I thought a little time and space would smooth the edges of our relationship and I could throw myself back into being a loving friend in say three or six months when she was, well, a bit less hectic.

I ignored a few of her texts and voicemails over the past few months. Ummed and Ahhed over whether to invite her to my hen night - and didn't. Left our friendship in suspended animation for a while, knowing that she's always surrounded by friends, living life to the full and was unlikely to notice my temporary retreat.

I smiled at the news that she'd met someone special and, on my return from honeymoon, thought 'I really must call her, meet her new man, spend an evening with her on her bus (where she lived) and get me a dose of her positivity and warmth.' I was starting to miss her.

You can imagine how shocked, and how guilty, I felt when she died. What a waste. Of her life and of our friendship. Wasted time, wasted opportunities. I wished I'd known, I wished I'd seized the chance to create new memories of Ali in the six months where there was just a few ignored messages and some snatched news from mutual friends.

Ali was a free spirit. More recently, she embraced the traveller lifestyle and was known for her passion for open fires and dogs (logs and dogs!!) - at one point she was looking after eleven dogs & puppies. On a bus!! She used to be a gardener and worked without gloves because she loved the feel of the soil.

She was a ball of energy. So immediate. Famed for her wide, welcoming smile and her bounciness. She had been conceived at Stonehenge, and she had a kind of magic that you don't often get to experience.

I know in my heart that if she's around she will forgive me my embarassment, my pettiness and just remember the love. She was all about love was Ali.

I miss her. I wish I could have shared one more moment with her.

Ali will always be an inspiration. A beacon of light and unrelenting positivity. A call to grab life by the balls and do what you want NOW because that's what she did. Always. She had a short life, but a full life. I think she herself would have recognised that as her life faded from her.

As for the rest...when someone you love dies you eventually start to wonder if they still exist. Has she stopped like a clock that can no longer be wound? Or has her vital force left and gone on to some other plane? Somehow, you think if they could they would let you know, if they could reassure you in any way they would.

Thinking this, a few days before her funeral I fell asleep thinking of Ali and reaching out to her, asking her to give me a sign. Not in the manner of someone desperate and inconsolable. I was sad, yes, but also inquisitive. Ali had Shamanic beliefs. She saw all of existence as being animated both in the here-and-now and in the forever-after. If she could let any of us know she still existed then I am sure she would throw her full self into piercing the veil.

I dreamed of Ali that night. She was there, and she was communicating with me by text message. I was so frustrated in the morning because I couldn't remember the content of her text. All I could remember was me, in my dream, saying 'Ali, that's amazing. How did you manage to text from the dead?!'. Bollox to my memory.

At Ali's funeral, my friend Sarah showed me something both banal and amazing. I am sure there's a logical explanation for this. I'm not sure I really want to find it though. I like it how it occurs for me right now.

Sarah, who is notorious for being rather scatty and very late for everything, had also recently asked Ali for a sign. In a rather more considered way than me, she had lit some candles, held some rose quartz and had a good old chat to the ether - hoping Ali might hear.

The next day she got a message in her phone calendar (a function she has never used and is unlikely to ever do so). It was for the day of Ali's funeral, at 8am (the time Sarah had to leave to catch the train in order to get there on time) and it just said 'A'.

8: A.

Sarah hadn't put it there - she doesn't even know how to work her phone's calendar. Unfortunately, she still managed to miss the funeral (a mix up with St Peter's Church in Didcot and the one she actually needed to be at - in North Moreton). But she was there for the wake - a fabulous, emotional gathering in a field by Ali's mum's house with drums, guitars and a huge log fire. Very Ali.

It's only in the last few days that I remembered something I've known for ages. That the figure eight lying on it's side is the symbol for infinity. Make of that what you will. I'm still undecided, but a large part of me is smiling and thinking 'clever Ali. Thank you!'

Feeling Quiet

2009-04-23T13:33:00.004+01:00

I know I've been really quite recently. I will be back on top blogging form soon I promise.

For a week and a half after our honeymoon I was going to bed as soon as I'd read Ella a bedtime story. That's about 7.30-8pm. Yes, really. Call it jet lag, call it post-marital fatigue. I call it bliss actually. However, sleeping so early leaves little time for any other activity (such as blogging).

Then, after we'd got back from an Easter camping weekend in Corfe Castle, Dorset at the excellent Woodlands campsite I got the tragic news that a beautiful friend of mine, Ali, had died in a car accident, along with her boyfriend.

She was only 27, and the smiliest ray of sunshine I have ever known. She'll always be remembered with love - by me and her many, many loved ones. Her funeral is this weekend. I'd like to write more about her but not just yet. I haven't really felt like writing at all.

I promise I'll be back - soon.

Keep checking...

Six Reasons Why England Rocks and Thailand Doesn't

2009-04-06T20:59:00.016+01:00

On honeymoon I truly got to grips with how fabulous dear ole Blighty is.

For those of you dreaming about paradisical beach destinations, I'd like to remind you of a few
Photo: I was here, dreaming of cloudy days and decent puddings
advantages which our own green and pleasant land has over many exotic locations - in this case, Thailand:

1. Mosquitos are few and far between

They are bastards. I'm veggie - yes I fell off the Vegan Wagon a little while ago - and respect every animal's right to life. I gladly make an hypocritical exception for mozzies.

2. Sanitation

Drinkable tap water+flushing loos=happy campers.

3. Weather you can walk in

No rushing back to air-con retreats between the hours of noon-4pm for us. A distinct lack of daily sweat-soaked clothes and I've-just-smoked-five-neat-hash-bongs-in-a-row type lethargy.

4. Reassuring National Figures

As a curvy lady, it's easy to be self-assured amongst a wonderful range of Brit figures - mainly pear-shaped, occassionally waif-like. The Thai National Figure is more size 6 - your average English Rose is a size 16. By our standards I'm slim (well, way off the national average anyway), by theirs I'm a heifer.

5. Friends and Family

They're all here, a walk, short drive, cheap phone call, email or text away. I love them. Those I see every week to those I see once a year. I need them all. They add colour and charm and excitement to my life. I can't take them all on holiday with me. J is everything I could wish for - but without Ella, Jules, Anton, Anna P, Sarada, Helen, Sut, Kath W etc my world would be a half-lit, muted place.

6. Decent Desserts
Going out for a meal (albeit a delicious green curry) just isn't as much of a treat without a delicious pud. Banana fritters just can't compete with creme brulee, chocolate mousse, apple crumble and custard, treacle pudding, chocolate cake...I'll stop right there as I'm salivating over my keyboard.

Of course, there's also a lot to be said for sparkling white sands, rippling azure seas and hanging out (literally in my case) in a bikini for two weeks. But if the credit crunch forces you to forgo your long haul holiday this year, take it from me - there really is no place like home.

The Big Day

2009-04-01T13:50:00.004+01:00

The sun shone, my boobs looked (and I quote a friend here) “magnificent” in my dress - thus having the desired effect of detracting from my expanded waistline (which was less expanded due to the miracle of Spanx).

And no, I’m not up the duff. I’ve been a lazy, greedy piggy for a long time and two weeks in a bikini has convinced me to do something about it NOW. Photo: Me, J, Ella & Sulis

The ceremony was short, sweet and special. The flower girls and my sister looked gorgeous. Lunch was great, and very generously paid for by the best man.

I won’t say too much about the wedding night other than J was like a man half his age and drinking champagne in the hot tub at the Angus Suite was a blissful experience which I think we should repeat on every wedding anniversary.

We had our wedding party the following evening. I hardly spent any time with J and wished I could spend more time with my good friends but speaking to 70+ guests over five hours was challenge enough.

I surprised myself by doing an impromptu speech, and an inebriated J surprised himself by responding to cries from his friends of ‘J do a speech’ by grabbing the mic off me and saying “Yeah…ditto. I agree with everything Anna said”. A good start to married life.

My Blogging Code of Ethics

2009-03-30T12:05:00.003+01:00

Photo Credit

Well it would seem that my last post was more inflammatory than I thought. I guess I’ll have to develop a thicker skin.

A good friend of mine guessed who the ex-wife I referred to was, and ticked her off via text for refusing to come to my wedding party. Another was upset to find our misunderstanding labelled as a ‘fall out’ and emailed to tell me so. It was the first email I read on my return from honeymoon and cast a small shadow over my homecoming.

Note that with both the friends/aquaintances I referred to I didn’t actually say anything bad about them. They are/were friends after all.

You know, when I’m writing a blog post I don’t consider who may end up reading it. I enjoy the no-holds-barred honesty and freedom of expression that is the Blogger’s prerogative.

However, before posting a blog I do have a quick read through and check that I’ve followed my own Blogging Code of Ethics:

Don’t write anything about any person, institution or business that I wouldn’t say to their face
Don’t disclose the names of anyone I have written about in less-than-glowing terms
Don’t slag off friends or aquaintances (which ties in with the first point, natch). N.B. this still gives me some leeway to have a bit of a whinge occasionally!

As Anton, one of my ‘bestest buddies’, remarked “blogging about people you know, who may end up reading your blogpost, is an issue for our times. Where do you draw the line? Should you censor what you write? It’s a topical debate. You’ve just got to blog about it.” So, please join this zeitgeisty conversation and leave a comment to let me know what you think.

We are all creatures with fragile egos and faulty perceptions, craving love and positive attention. Clearly, there’s no way I can write about my life, my feelings, my gripes and my pleasures without unintentionally offending someone along the way.

Maybe I should have two blogs. I could turn this one into a Pollyanna version and create a new 'Part Mummy Part Me Uncut' version available only to strangers where I can break free from my self-imposed restrictions and dish the dirt like Dooce. It worked for her. It made her famous.

To those readers, past and present, who I accidentally offend/upset I offer my apologies, and my pledge to continue to uphold my Blogging Code of Ethics. That’s the best I can do.

If I continue to offend/upset any of you, I respectfully suggest that you stop reading this blog.

I wonder if any of you fellow bloggers have protected your blog from being read by friends and family? If not, have you had similar situations where one of your posts has caused upset, misunderstanding, offence or had an unforeseen consequence?

Do you self-censor what you write or do you write what you want and resolve to face the music afterwards? Have you got your own Blogging Code of Ethics – and what do you think of mine? Do tell...

Pre Marital Tension

2009-03-05T11:43:00.003Z

photo credit

Lately I've been experiencing a strange form of PMT - Pre Marital Tension.

I thought I'd been so clever - after all I'd done everything I could to avoid the syndrome. No cars, no flowers, no seating plans...all wedding preparations done and dusted in a matter of weeks not months. Surely, I would be a very calm, relaxed bride.

But I hadn't accounted for the politics.

People calling me up, upset because they weren't invited to the wedding party. They remain uninvited. A friend asking me if she and her partner could bring other friends I don't know so they have someone to talk to at the wedding (it's a wedding! Go mingle!).

I've had someone that has long since faded into the background - due to distinct lack of interest on both sides - calling me up for the first time in years 'just to say hello' when I know through mutual friends they're angling for an invitation. Their message remains on my answering machine - unanswered.

I've fallen out with someone over wedding cake (don't ask). A was-a-good-friend-now-more-of-an-aquaintance texted me yesterday to say she isn't coming because her ex-husband will be at the party (although he doesn't seem to have a problem about bumping into her, and they still text each other occassionally) and her current beau is uncomfortable about it. She's not prepared to come without her partner.

My childcare plans fell through recently due certain people getting the hump - meaning I can't get too tipsy at my wedding party because Els and Sulis (my niece) will be staying until the party ends at midnight and coming back to my house with J and me. We had hoped to have a bit of a grown-up 'after party' so that's not possible now.

Frankly, I can't face small children with a hangover the next day (that's me with the hangover, not the small children obviously), so now I should really be watching my champagne intake at our party or -more likely- having a good time and regretting it bitterly the next morning. Though there's always that stalwart babysitter, CBeebies, to fall back on.

On top of the realisation that people are a lot weirder than I first thought, and a good deal more selfish, J and I have been niggling at one another this week. A lot.

According to my good friend Adie, she and her hubby were the same and her gay friends also recently experienced a prolonged bout of PMT with a lot of huffiness and bad temper prior to their civil partnership.

It seems no one can escape - straight or gay, big wedding or small.

All is well now though. The day before my wedding I've finished my work, been waxed within an inch of my life and had a rare but much needed manicure.

Anna (not me, a friend with the same name) called yesterday to offer her fairy lights - along with herself and her husband to string them along the beams in the hall before the party and run anylast-minute errands for us while we're decking out the venue.

Helen is meeting me at the hall on Saturday to help make helium balloon clusters and prettify the hall. Several friends, and El's granny (known as 'Nonna' because she is too young-looking and gorgeous to be 'granny') have offered to take El home after the party to give me a chance to let my hair down and recuperate the next morning (all declined as I'll have Sulis anyway and I know that two kids can occupy themselves in the morning without adult assistance better than one!).

My friend and colleague popped over yesterday to give me a wonderful and unexpected present - a much-longed-for bread maker. This is despite the fact that we've asked people to bring a 'pot luck' dish for the buffet to save us catering costs - and not to worry about getting us a pressie.

Sarada has insisted on making a wedding cake - although I was completely unfussed about having one at first, I'm now really grateful that we will have a cake (btw she's not the person I fell out with over cake!).

Oh, and my mother has kindly given me some spending money for our honeymoon. Adie has let me know several times that she'll do anything to help, and to call me on the day if I need anything at all. Then there's Anton who paid for half of my dress as a present, Juliet who is helping me with my hair and make-up...

I'm chuffed to bits with people's kindness and help. It's eased my PMT and I'm looking forward to the wedding tomorrow, and the party on Saturday, with eagerness and a slight touch of butterflies.

It's gonna be great.

Here Comes the Sun

2009-02-21T17:17:00.002Z

Photo credit

Missed the sun today.

Ironically, I've been writing about Sun storage solutions instead.

Still, mustn't grumble as I'll get plenty of sunshine in Thailand. Only a few weeks left until I fly there with my new hubby.

My workload has gone ballistic. I did ask for more work. I'm very grateful to the universe/Powers that Be/The Great Mother and all her Little Pixies for answering my request.

However, next time I gaze skyward and mutter my request, I will be making it SMARTer. Paying special attention to the Timing part.

After dossing around for the best part of December and January, new contracts aplenty have been rolling in. Fabulous. Apart from the fact that they rushed towards me just before half-term, and with only a few weeks until my wedding & honeymoon.

Luckily, El loves her holiday club. And I still managed to make time to take her ice skating.

Must crack on with more fascinating insights into the world of IT storage solutions. I'm rather enjoying it actually.

I have guests coming over soon for a Nigella-inspired Mexican feast. Including homemade margarita ice cream - made with Tequila and Cointreau.

I think it'll be a fun night...

2 Cocks and 18 Hens

2009-02-12T20:06:00.002Z

Photo credit: Chicken and a hen

I had my hen night last Friday. I am still recovering. Yes, it was that good!

Unusually, I invited two honorary male hens, or cocks as I prefer to think of them.

Even more unusually, after we had eaten at the wonderful (and very good value) Thai Corner we met up with J and his stags at Plug n Play - where J and I had first met. Oh, and where I subsequently have enjoyed many a wild night.

Did I mention that I danced on the table in the restaurant? No? Good. I shudder now, but it seemed appropriate at the time.

After some brilliant dance music and a few interesting incidents, including a good (married) friend of mine being propositioned by a very sexy hunk of a man to come back with him and his wife (!!!), we wobbled into a taxi at about 5am.

My wonderful foresight had led me to make a blueberry pancake batter before I went out so I could rustle up breakfast for all my guests. Unfortunately, most of them had snuck off before I dragged myself out of bed - at around 5pm. I'm no good with late nights/early mornings. I have to sleep them off straight away.

El's dad was kindly looking after both El and her cousin until Sunday lunchtime, so Jules (my sis) and I had enough time to be fully compus mentis before having to switch into mummy mode.

I had the best time, but I'm glad I don't have to party that hard on a regular basis. I'm still feeling a little delicate nearly a week later.