Six Reasons Why England Rocks and Thailand Doesn't

On honeymoon I truly got to grips with how fabulous dear ole Blighty is. 

For those of you dreaming about paradisical beach destinations, I'd like to remind you of a few  
Photo: I was here, dreaming of cloudy days and decent puddings 
advantages which our own green and pleasant land has over many exotic locations - in this case, Thailand: 

1. Mosquitos are few and far between

They are bastards. I'm veggie - yes I fell off the Vegan Wagon a little while ago - and respect every animal's right to life. I gladly make an hypocritical exception for mozzies.

2. Sanitation

Drinkable tap water+flushing loos=happy campers. 

3. Weather you can walk in

No rushing back to air-con retreats between the hours of noon-4pm for us. A distinct lack of daily sweat-soaked clothes and I've-just-smoked-five-neat-hash-bongs-in-a-row type lethargy.

4. Reassuring National Figures

As a curvy lady, it's easy to be self-assured amongst a wonderful range of Brit figures - mainly pear-shaped, occassionally waif-like. The Thai National Figure is more size 6 - your average English Rose is a size 16. By our standards I'm slim (well, way off the national average anyway), by theirs I'm a heifer.

5. Friends and Family

They're all here, a walk, short drive, cheap phone call, email or text away. I love them. Those I see every week to those I see once a year. I need them all. They add colour and charm and excitement to my life. I can't take them all on holiday with me. J is everything I could wish for - but without Ella, Jules, Anton, Anna P, Sarada, Helen, Sut, Kath W etc my world would be a half-lit, muted place.

6. Decent Desserts
Going out for a meal (albeit a delicious green curry) just isn't as much of a treat without a delicious pud. Banana fritters just can't compete with creme brulee, chocolate mousse, apple crumble and custard, treacle pudding, chocolate cake...I'll stop right there as I'm salivating over my keyboard.

Of course, there's also a lot to be said for sparkling white sands, rippling azure seas and hanging out (literally in my case) in a bikini for two weeks. But if the credit crunch forces you to forgo your long haul holiday this year, take it from me - there really is no place like home.