Tuesday, 11 November 2008


Photo: .Waiting  
Sometimes it just works out this way.

I went part-time and freelance so I could spend more time with Els. So I could do the school run. So I could do supermarket shopping and some household chores when she’s at school and so get more Quality Time with my daughter.

Today I’m not getting Els from school because her dad is. Today I haven’t got much work to do because that’s just the way it goes with freelancing sometimes.

I feel guilty.

I’ve brazenly ignored the piles of washing to be done, the baskets of clean clothes waiting to be put away, the dirty dishes. Instead, I took my time over breakfast and then drove to Brightwell-cum-Sotwell for my new weekly French Conversation class in the
Red Lion.

After mon lecon francais, I came home, made lunch, called a friend, checked my email and started to write this. I’m about to go for a walk (it’s lovely outside), and then I’ll go into Henley to get my hair cut. It’s a Senior Stylist training session this afternoon…only £15 for a haircut! Bargain.

I should be enjoying today. Only it seems odd, me living the life of a Henley Lady of Leisure when I feel I should either be earning my living or being a mummy. Today is one of those days when I can’t do either.

I feel odd. Redundant. I'm on pause. A Mummy-and-Worker-in-Waiting.


Iota said...

I think one of the challenges of motherhood is the start-stop rhythm of it. I seem to be always overloaded or underloaded - and I can't necessarily predict which one.

Louise, Carmine Superiore said...

Oh the guilt, the guilt. I recently had 10 days without my chicks, and for the first 5 was paralysed by guilt. But after that I got used to the freedom not to do the washing up and started to enjoy myself!